How To Say Welcome, How To Be Appreciated
Chapter 14: Certain Things You Shouldn’t Do
Lesson 1: Monopolize merit
In life,
the most emotional scene is the award ceremony.
The commended person was moved to tears
and expressed his feelings
when receiving the award,
thanking him from the considerate guidance of the unit’s leaders
to the devoted care of his parents,
from the favor of the directors.
Referring to the support of the audience,
all the people involved thanked,
“it is better to thank the wrong person,
not to miss it”,
even sincerely to the point of wanting
to split the trophy in his hand into many pieces
for a portion for each person.
You can say it’s okay to be honest,
it’s okay to pretend,
but this thank you is definitely loved,
moreover it’s not boring many times,
still receives thunderous applause,
still has emotional audiences shed tears.
But if any star is arrogant,
not only does not thank,
but also says:
“Today’s success is my own effort”,
he will sooner or later fail.
Successful people and people
with good relationships in communication have two qualities,
humility and gratitude.
Before success,
they are happy with “sharing”,
sharing the credit with those who work together.
Charles Schwab was once selected
by the famous psychologist Carnegie to be the general manager.
He assessed his ability as follows:
“I feel like I don’t have any special leadership talent,
but I have a special skill,
which is living with others.
I can ignite the enthusiasm of the employees,
so that they feel most important.
I wholeheartedly commend them,
and share each company’s success with them,
attributing each and every one of them.”
Success at work is one part talent plus nine parts predestined.
Every successful person needs to rely on partners,
leaders or employees.
The best method to shorten the distance
between the two sides is to share the merit
and reputation with them,
expressing the wish that everyone stands on the same ground,
which is more conducive to unity and development.
Someone said:
“The reputation of the successful person is so much,
it doesn’t matter if it is shared with others.
What about me,
it’s very difficult to do some work,
and I have to share it with others,
so how can the leader see it,
how can it be successful?”
Reality proves that the smaller the character,
the more he wants to take credit,
and he will exaggerate his merits.
Psychologists do the following test.
He found four volunteers,
so that they could work together to complete a task.
After completing,
the expert asked each person in turn:
“Honestly,
how much credit do you think you have taken on this task?”
A said:
“The plan to execute the task is drawn by me,
I feel that I play a leadership role,
at least 40% of the credit.”
B said:
“At work,
they all just talk,
the work is mainly done by me.
My merit is the greatest,
at least 40%.”
C said:
“They just did the basic job,
in the difficult task twice,
in the end it was all solved by me.
I feel that my ability is the strongest,
the merit is also the greatest,
at least 40%.”
D said:
“No one submits to anyone,
thanks to my multi-faceted coordination,
the matter was completed smoothly.
I talked to the point that my throat was about to tear,
of course my greatest contribution,
no matter what,
must be over 40%.”
Fortunately,
the psychologist asked privately,
but if asked with four people at the same time,
there will be an argument.
Psychology says,
in everyone’s heart,
they imagine themselves to be more excellent than they really are.
When they have a little bit of success,
people often attribute the cause of their success
to their talents and efforts;
And when they meet with failure,
they blame external factors and blame themselves.
This is a manifestation of subjectivity,
as well as a mistake in attributing causes.
This is also considered autistic prejudice.
People with strong autism stereotypes often have two different personalities,
either being overconfident
or overconfident.
Overconfident people feel that they are the best in the world,
everyone is tall,
only themselves are the main characters.
Over time,
other people will hate his inconsiderate way,
discarding him,
leaving him alone;
people who are too self-deprecating
because they do not have a sense of success about their status and status,
and deeply desire to succeed
and be focused on by others.
They did not miss any opportunity to reveal themselves,
even if it was something that others did not need,
they picked it up and put it on.
They are more and more afraid
because of mistakes that others will look down on,
so they rush to put the blame on others.
This reminds one of the kid
who broke the vase on TV who was the first person to come out
and say “not me”
or “he pushed me”.
Such a person will be judged by others as self-interested,
very easily isolated.
At work,
there is a saying:
“If you want the leader to see you,
sit in the corner.”
Employees who like to show off,
like to tell the story,
are usually not valued by the director.
The director will feel them
not conducive to the unity of the department,
do not know how to cooperate with others.
Meanwhile, the more discreet a person is,
the more secure and reliable people are.
They quietly complete the work,
humbly acknowledge the merit.
The more they refuted
“this is not my work alone”,
the more the director praised
“your work ability I know very well”;
The more they expressed
“there is someone better than me”,
the more the director asserted that
“no one deserves this position more than you.”
Working Manual
Selfish people are often hated,
learning how to share can receive the love of others.
(1) Learn to be patient
Learning to share is learning to be patient.
We must share our material
and spiritual achievements with others.
(2) Share happily
We must give what is ours,
lead others to share with us,
and experience the joy of sharing.
Lesson 2: Only gain, not lose
In China,
there is an old saying that says:
“Lai Nhi is not dead,
it is not polite”
(having passed but not having it is against etiquette).
There is a word used to describe
the communication relationship between people,
extremely accurate and skillful,
which is “reciprocity”.
In society,
the relationship
between people is built
and strengthened through “reciprocity”.
Today you give me a basket of apples,
tomorrow I give a box of pears;
today you invite me to eat a meal,
tomorrow I invite you to drink tea;
Today you help me with English,
tomorrow I help you with Math.
Things about humanity are the most entangled,
often newly married people receive a gift from a loved one
and have calculated in their heart how much to put in the envelope
when that person gets married
to be considered not losing face.
But it is also because of such reciprocity,
with such giving and receiving,
that the new communication relationship can be harmonious and lasting.
In life,
there are people who buy cabbage
and then take two more stalks of onions,
go back and forth with other people,
only focusing on “benefits” more than others,
eyes like fish hooks.
No one wants to be deceived
or taken advantage of by others.
Therefore,
in communication,
such people will not have a good predestined relationship.
What he can take away,
is only two stalks of onions,
but next time,
others will be even more wary of him.
These miserly and exploitative people are called “iron cocks,”
and generous people
who are not afraid to suffer losses are good people.
From the way we address and treat each day,
we can recognize love and hate.
Look at the two types of people in the example below,
you will know who is more popular.
In the company that is about to elect a new director,
on the list of votes are Duc Cuong and Duy Anh.
Duc Cuong treats people flexibly,
has good working ability,
is a rare talent;
Duy Anh is honest,
peaceful,
has normal working capacity,
even giving others a feeling of “easy to bully”.
He worked late hours all the time,
dealing with the so-called “little help”
that his colleagues said.
Duc Cuong did not think that
Duy Anh was his competitor at all,
satisfied waiting to sit in the position of director.
Unexpectedly,
the voting results showed that most of his colleagues voted for Duy Anh.
Colleagues were all talking behind Duc Cuong’s back:
“He,
every time he invites to eat,
he comes but doesn’t invite him back once,
stingy talking.
If he is the director,
how will he exploit us?”
They talk about Duy Anh as follows:
“I feel that he is very honest,
and often helps others,
which makes me very shy.
If he is the director,
we will surely have good days.”
“To suffer losses is to gain”,
this saying is very moral.
Like Duy Anh in the above example,
the small things that
you accidentally help others will add points to your personal image,
leaving a debt of gratitude,
later others will also help you,
that Isn’t it beneficial?
This debt of gratitude can be explained using the principle
of reciprocity in psychology.
In the movie,
when the main character is in danger,
there are always a few characters
who don’t spare their lives to protect him,
the reason is that he has saved himself before.
The human-to-human relationship is actually that simple,
you give me a meter,
I give it back.
A little favor is like a seed sown,
not knowing what spring will sprout,
sweet results brought before you.
So you may suffer a little loss in the short term,
but you will benefit later.
The principle of reciprocity in psychology states that,
after receiving a little favor from others,
people will develop a feeling of debt in their hearts,
then want to give the corresponding favor in return.
The reverse reasoning means that
if we want to receive help from others,
we must first help them.
We want others to treat us the way we want to be treated.
Smart bosses are those who understand very well the principle of “suffering”.
First,
they will let customers feel the sweetness,
get a little benefit.
For example,
free shipping or birthday gifts.
In this respect,
the Amway company does a great job.
They entered the market from an anonymous brand,
unknown to others,
let alone acknowledged.
The company sent salespeople to serve them at home,
and at the same time gave them a task:
“Make sure to leave the free trial product in the house of housewives.”
This enthusiastic service makes housewives unable to refuse,
moreover,
the free trial,
they benefit from feeling the prestige of the company.
After a trial period,
they discovered the quality of this new brand is not bad.
Because they have received favors before,
of course they will become consumers of this brand.
A famous British economist said:
“The way of the intelligent person is to use his method to gain benefits,
not to invade the interests of others,
or to prevent others from doing so benefit.”
If the boss has an exploitative attitude from the beginning,
applying the way to extort money from consumers,
it is easy to make consumers resist.
The smartest way is to suffer first,
give others benefits,
then under the influence of the principle of reciprocity,
make customers actively consume.
Working Manual
No one wants to suffer,
people who often suffer small losses usually won’t suffer big losses.
(1) Attitude proactively to suffer losses
The things others don’t want to do,
the difficult things,
you have to take the initiative to do,
so others will appreciate it in your heart,
and then create an opportunity to help you.
(2) Suffering can produce good results
Some people take on responsibilities
that others don’t want to shoulder,
which looks like a loss but can produce better results.
Lesson 3: The expression of the motive is too obvious
Everyone has a sensitivity to protect their own interests,
once they feel “you came to steal my things,
take advantage of me”,
this sensitivity will immediately come into play,
making us keep our distance with that person.
Therefore,
when you have a certain intention with others,
and want the other party to agree to a certain request of yours,
you must not express your motives too clearly.
If a girl wants to extort money from a guy,
she will definitely only talk about love
without mentioning money at all;
If a trader wants the other party to sign a contract,
he will definitely say “just want to make friends”.
Under this cover,
the opponent will gradually lift his psychological defenses.
Then you distract the other person’s attention
– not focusing on the “interests are compromised”,
the other side will loosen up on you,
you will even get the information you want.
Psychologists who want to communicate with others often prefer
to use the method of “hypnosis”.
For people who close the door of their souls,
with high vigilance,
we must first create an atmosphere of harmony,
warmth,
comfort,
and a sense of security.
In this situation,
let him freely talk about himself,
family,
hobbies,
past,
gradually,
no matter how strong psychological defenses are,
will unconsciously speak out his true thoughts,
which reveals essential information to us subconsciously.
This is the “Freudian slip”
– a form of slurred speech
– the famous psychological theory of Sigmund Freud,
the founder of psychoanalysis.
Experiments tell us,
in order to get the other person’s words,
we must first create a safe,
harmless environment.
This is the “foreplay” we often talk about,
it hides our motives,
make friends first and then benefits.
It is only in life that there are many people
who often say nonsense for various reasons,
but often this nonsense is not coincidental,
on the contrary,
the content of the lie is often a reflection of true deep thoughts in our hearts.
Some people also understand the importance of foreplay,
but don’t know how to grasp it.
Writing is forbidden to write the introduction too long and rambling,
so it is difficult to get to the main issue.
Communication is the same,
if the listener feels impatient,
the speaker should go to the main issue;
lengthy explanations such as “Actually,
I talk so much because…”,
or “The real purpose of my coming here today is….”
These words are really cliché.
This is like bringing people to the point of being intoxicated,
suddenly pouring a basin of cold water over their heads,
causing them to suddenly sober up.
An effective foreplay is not to be too far from the main topic,
so it manifests naturally,
like a warm spring breeze,
making others feel that
you are thinking about them,
thereby making them commit to volunteering
to agree to your request.
How to have an opening that is both appropriate and natural,
and at the same time everyone is in a comfortable state?
There is a very interesting little story about sales.
A salesman took a couple to see a home.
The structure of the house itself is not very good,
From the beginning the salesman honestly acknowledged this point.
But the female guest was fascinated
by the cherry tree next to the house.
She said to her husband:
“How beautiful!
There was a tree like that at my door when I was little,
it reminds me of my childhood.”
The salesman quietly received this information,
he did not immediately take this preference of the female customer
to advise her to buy a house,
but expressed his interest in her childhood,
hoping to be listen to her tell a story about herself
and the cherry tree.
The female guest excitedly said,
the conversation was extremely fun.
Finally, the salesman said:
“I also feel that you and this house are very charming,
although it has a small structural problem,
but it is on such a problem
that you can see the cherry tree as beautiful as it is.
like this from every room, right?”
The female guest smiled happily,
she stopped thinking about the previous problem
and persuaded her husband to buy this house.
Salespeople often face a dilemma,
which is “customers are not interested in your words,
even expressing objection”.
We combine the above example,
from a psychology perspective offer some advice for salespeople:
1. Ask interest-oriented questions
Sellers must not focus their attention on the goods,
so that the other party feels like they are extorting money
from you but feels against you.
In front of unfamiliar customers,
you must through observation and simple conversation,
thereby finding out the customer’s interest.
This interest is a hobby in his life,
unrelated to trading.
You can try through that to find the first match between the two,
and at the same time express your interest in their hobbies.
That will make the other person feel respected
and also generate a corresponding harmony and interest in you.
2. Change your stance on talking
This point is extremely important.
The salesperson’s role should be that
of a “kind recommender” not a “smart dealer”.
Customers want to spend money
to buy “what they need to buy”
not “what you want to sell”.
So your identity
and stance can control the other person’s thoughts.
You stand on the other side’s perspective,
thinking for the other’s interests will make the other person
Who feel close and cared for,
thereby considering you as a friend.
3. Look directly at the product’s flaws
This is the honesty of the owners,
which is also the quality that is easiest to please consumers.
Everyone cannot claim to be perfect.
If you describe your products as full of beauty,
it is easy to create a feeling of being cheated by others,
further arousing the resistance to
“Find flaws to expose your lies” of customers.
Working Manual
When we work,
we express our motives clearly,
which makes others feel frustrated
and disgusted.
Sometimes, we try to lie a little to cover up our true motives.
Here are two “lie” techniques:
(1) Concealment
We make some conscious movements to hide
that we are “lying”,
which gives us a certain sense of security.
(2) Smiling brightly
We use a smile to hide that we are “lying”,
it is also very easy for the other person to believe your “lie”.
Lesson 4: Pointing out other people’s mistakes without any respect
The powerful figures in the professions
we admire add the word “home” in front:
scientists,
culinaryists…
But there is one “house” that is not welcome,
that is “the critic” jar”.
The impression that other people give them is wearing a pair of glasses,
eyebrows furrowed,
mouth talking continuously,
looking for mistakes everywhere to lash out.
The other party suddenly felt like
there was a lot of water in the face,
unable to get out.
Pointing out other people’s problems
without respect is divided into two categories,
one is a good suggestion.
For example,
a parent might say,
“If you weren’t my child,
I wouldn’t care.” or friends say,
“I want your best,
I don’t want you to go astray.”
Another type is malicious attack.
For example,
a person who likes marketing says:
“I find your work annoying,
I just saw you” or a talkative person says:
“I knew you were incompetent early on see the consequences”…
We are temporarily not talking about malicious attacks,
only talking about ideas that are considered well-intentioned.
In life,
especially at work,
there are some people who do not know how to speak,
but prefer to consider themselves
as “telling the truth”.
They do not know the skill of talking,
so they point out the mistakes of others too frankly,
which will make the other party unable to accept,
even cause conflict and psychological separation.
In psychology,
the “transfinite effect” refers to a person
who is subjected to too much stimulation,
too strong or too long,
leading to the phenomenon of psychological resistance.
Therefore, when pointing out other people’s problems,
we must grasp the extent and extent,
the content must be in the right direction,
so that the opponent’s resistance will be slightly reduced.
Many people also use the critical method to point out the problem of others.
According to psychology,
the real meaning of criticism should be the exchange
and conversation about thoughts and feelings,
the goal is to reach a consensus.
Thus, criticism itself is a useful process,
but many people,
due to the incorrect method,
misunderstand the essence of this process.
Some people end up being completely driven by emotions,
treating criticism as a tool for venting,
even revenge.
Analytical psychologists,
criticism often causes a negative mood
and is not accepted by others,
for two reasons:
One is that the critic still doesn’t understand black and white,
doesn’t know the situation of the other person.
Methods and causes of errors,
not knowing right and wrong,
have been criticized.
It is very easy to prolong the psychological distance
between the two parties,
because they feel that you are not considerate
and understanding them,
the two people are not on the same page;
the second is that the critic uses extreme words,
such as “what a fool”… at the same time standing
from the perspective of the above person,
making the opponent feel his self-esteem is hurt,
and at the same time,
there is a feeling of inhibition.
It is easy for the opponent to consider the critic as an “enemy”,
feeling resentful.
Through the example analysis below,
we can point out the mistakes of others
without hurting the peace.
The director received a document that
secretary Hong Anh had arranged yesterday,
and found that there were many errors in it.
He couldn’t help but frown.
But he did not immediately point out,
but waited after the meeting ended
before calling Hong Anh privately to the office.
Hong Anh saw the document on the table,
was restless in his heart,
prepared to explain:
“Director, I…”
The director smiled and patted Hong Anh’s shoulder:
“Hong Anh,
I know this document requires you to do it
within three days,
the time is a bit short.
I just watched it earlier,
it was very good.”
Hong Anh feels very surprised.
The director continued:
“It’s just that there are a few small omissions,
this can’t be blamed on her,
it’s too short of time.
I believe in your ability to work,
can you edit this text to be more perfect?”
Hong Anh quickly nodded and said:
“Okay!”
Of course,
less than a day later,
Hong Anh submitted a set of documents
that made the director satisfied.
But if at that time,
the angry director threw the error-laden document at Hong Anh
and severely criticized it for a while,
then surely Hong Anh’s heart would not be satisfied,
and at the same time,
he would lose his positivity at work. .
In what ways is the director’s skillful criticism expressed?
Firstly,
not criticizing in front of everyone
but choosing to meet privately,
this saved face for the other party;
second,
give compliments,
create a harmonious atmosphere;
third,
point out objective difficulties rather than
criticize the opponent’s subjective causes
Fourth, express trust to employees.
So, after combining the above points,
do we know how to give criticism skillfully
and get the best results?
1. Expressing your position is only in work,
not with the other party
Do not start with “you”,
for example “someone like you,
no matter how many times you say it,
it still can’t be fixed.”
You should describe the incident itself first,
making it clear that your stance is “with the job,
not with the person”.
Remember,
from start to finish,
always put yourself in a fair and objective position,
this will make the other person respect your opinion more.
2. Show understanding,
consider responsibility
The person being criticized will feel resentful
because you don’t understand them,
saying that you are “hot-tempered,
confused”,
so try to show your “understanding” mentality,
saying:
“I also know the solution.
This is very annoying,
a lot of experienced staff can’t handle it”,
or “You’ve worked hard this time,
the amount of work assigned to you is too much.”
3. Actively ask about the other’s difficulties
“Can you elaborate a bit,
are there any difficulties?”
After all,
there are some objective factors you can’t observe and feel,
letting the other person take the initiative
to say it will make them feel respected and cared for.
4. Sincerely ask the other person’s opinion
“So how do you think it’s better to fix it?”
You ask the other person’s opinion is a way
to affirm the opponent’s ability,
and also prove that the two people’s positions are in agreement.
5. Express expectations and trust to the other party
“I believe you can do better.”
This statement will make the other person feel trusted,
from which they will try their best to meet your expectations.
Finally,
summarizing and thanking the other party:
“Thank you very much,
you have worked so hard for this job.”
That statement of the leader can make employees feel that
their dedication to the company is also worthy,
feeling warm in their hearts.
Working Manual
Pointing out other people’s problems
without any respect will make the other person feel very awkward.
Perhaps he himself intended to make amends,
but being hit like that would have a rebellious mentality.
So, how do we better address other people’s problems?
(1) Must stand on the opponent’s position to see the problem
When we point out the other’s problem,
we have to stand above others.
According to psychology,
the real meaning of criticism should be the exchange
and conversation about thoughts and feelings,
the goal is to reach a consensus.
Thus, criticism itself is a useful process,
but many people,
due to the incorrect method,
misunderstand the essence of this process.
Some people end up being completely driven by emotions,
treating criticism as a tool for venting,
even revenge.
Analytical psychologists,
criticism often causes a negative mood
and is not accepted by others,
for two reasons:
One is that the critic still doesn’t understand black and white,
doesn’t know the situation of the other person.
Methods and causes of errors,
not knowing right and wrong,
have been criticized.
It is very easy to prolong the psychological distance
between the two parties,
because they feel that you are not considerate
and understanding them,
the two people are not on the same page;
the second is that the critic uses extreme words,
such as
“what a fool”… at the same time standing
from the perspective of the above person,
making the opponent feel his self-esteem is hurt,
and at the same time,
there is a feeling of inhibition.
It is easy for the opponent to consider the critic as an “enemy”,
feeling resentful.
Through the example analysis below,
we can point out the mistakes of others
without hurting the peace.
The director received a document that
secretary Hong Anh had arranged yesterday,
and found that there were many errors in it.
He couldn’t help but frown.
But he did not immediately point out,
but waited after the meeting ended
before calling Hong Anh privately to the office.
Hong Anh saw the document on the table,
was restless in his heart,
prepared to explain:
“Director, I…”
The director smiled and patted Hong Anh’s shoulder:
“Hong Anh,
I know this document requires you to do it within three days,
the time is a bit short.
I just watched it earlier,
it was very good.”
Hong Anh feels very surprised.
The director continued:
“It’s just that there are a few small omissions,
this can’t be blamed on her,
it’s too short of time.
I believe in your ability to work,
can you edit this text to be more perfect?”
Hong Anh quickly nodded and said:
“Okay!”
Of course, less than a day later,
Hong Anh submitted a set of documents
that made the director satisfied.
But if at that time,
the angry director threw the error-laden document at Hong Anh
and severely criticized it for a while,
then surely Hong Anh’s heart would not be satisfied,
and at the same time,
he would lose his positivity at work.
In what ways is the director’s skillful criticism expressed?
Firstly, not criticizing in front of everyone
but choosing to meet privately,
this saved face for the other party;
second, give compliments,
create a harmonious atmosphere;
third, point out objective difficulties rather
than criticize the opponent’s subjective causes;
Fourth, express trust to employees.
So, after combining the above points,
do we know how to give criticism skillfully and get the best results?
1. Expressing your position is only in work,
not with the other party
Do not start with “you”,
for example “someone like you,
no matter how many times you say it,
it still can’t be fixed.”
You should describe the incident itself first,
making it clear that your stance is
“with the job,
not with the person”.
Remember,
from start to finish,
always put yourself in a fair and objective position,
this will make the other person respect your opinion more.
2. Show understanding,
consider responsibility
The person being criticized will feel resentful
because you don’t understand them,
saying that you are “hot-tempered,
confused”,
so try to show your “understanding” mentality,
saying:
“I also know the solution.
This is very annoying,
a lot of experienced staff can’t handle it”,
or “You’ve worked hard this time,
the amount of work assigned to you is too much.”
3. Actively ask about the other’s difficulties
“Can you elaborate a bit,
are there any difficulties?”
After all,
there are some objective factors you can’t observe and feel,
letting the other person take the initiative
to say it will make them feel respected and cared for.
4. Sincerely ask the other person’s opinion
“So how do you think it’s better to fix it?”
You ask the other person’s opinion is a way
to affirm the opponent’s ability,
and also prove that the two people’s positions are in agreement.
5. Express expectations and trust to the other party
“I believe you can do better.”
This statement will make the other person feel trusted,
from which they will try their best to meet your expectations.
Finally,
summarizing and thanking the other party:
“Thank you very much,
you have worked so hard for this job.”
That statement of the leader can make employees feel that
their dedication to the company is also worthy,
feeling warm in their hearts.
Working Manual
Pointing out other people’s problems
without any respect will make the other person feel very awkward.
Perhaps he himself intended to make amends,
but being hit like that would have a rebellious mentality.
So, how do we better address other people’s problems?
(1) Must stand on the opponent’s position to see the problem
When we point out the other’s problem,
we have to stand above
their stance to think about the problem,
think about their feelings,
use the most appropriate methods
and methods to show the other things those things.
(2) No direct criticism
When we point out other people’s problems,
we must not criticize them directly and harshly,
but we must use a flexible,
indirect,
mild tone of voice,
point out other people’s problems in a humorous way,
witty.
Thus, the other party can not only accept
but also have the determination to make amends.
Lesson 5: Don’t be agitated when criticized or opposed
In speech psychology,
no one likes to be criticized.
Because no matter what the intention and motive of criticism,
the essence is to negate others.
Everyone hopes to be able to assert their own ego
and value in social life,
if someone appears to block this desire of you,
and at the same time point out “you are wrong”,
then definitely will bring you a negative mood.
Many senior leaders
or colleagues have a headache,
there is no way for young people to enter the profession.
They made mistakes,
couldn’t criticize,
had a very hot temper,
quarreled in a few sentences,
the matter could not be resolved,
making both parties unhappy.
Like the example below.
The department receives a new item.
Duc Cuong invests a lot of enthusiasm in his work,
he just wants to implement the plan according to his plan,
not listening to the advice of his colleagues.
In the end,
this category failed,
his colleague Duy Nghia criticized him:
“Who said you like to show off?
Now that’s good,
the whole body is damaged by you!”
Duc Cuong,
who was in a very bad mood
because of the failure of the category,
was criticized by Duy Nghia like that,
suddenly feeling very embarrassed,
and also angrily roared:
“What attitude do you have?
What can you do,
if you have the skills,
do it first?”
The quarrel became more and more intense,
and colleagues advised not to.
In the end,
most people criticized Duc Cuong’s fault:
“Why are you like this,
when you make a mistake,
you still stubbornly refuse to admit it,
why don’t others say it?”
The person who can’t stand criticism,
is easily provoked,
is always like a mass of dynamite,
just needs a spark to touch it,
it will explode,
the people around only dare to speak softly,
not dare to touch,
dared not come any closer.
Over time,
those who do not tolerate this criticism easily become isolated and unpopular.
However, in this world no one is perfect,
people will sometimes make mistakes.
In life,
we inevitably make mistakes,
will have to receive corresponding criticism.
If we cannot accept criticism properly,
it means that we are avoiding
and distorting life itself,
and in a deep sense,
our personality is incomplete.
In psychology,
the “Zeigarnik effect” is a state in which
people remember an unfinished
or interrupted task much better than a completed one.
This is a type of “memory distortion,”
in which cognitive distortions enhance your ability to remember.
For example,
in learning,
a student who interrupts studying midway
and then engages in other activities
such as playing games
or watching movies will remember the important parts better than a student
who completes the lesson in one sitting.
So, you know how to study
and take a break at the right time to strengthen your memory.
Similarly,
when we criticize others,
we mustn’t go on and on,
because no matter how much we criticize,
the other person will forget it.
If only we stop in the middle,
simplify the content of criticism,
when it comes to the problem,
just point it out.
Research psychologists prove that
the way people react to criticism is often related
to that person’s maturity.
If,
as a child,
he was often severely criticized by his parents,
these words were like poison that hurt his self-esteem.
Then, when he is an adult,
he will treat criticism as a flood,
a beast,
either avoiding or trying to counterattack.
Refusing and avoiding criticism excessively,
psychologists say,
is a sign of a lack of confidence.
Like dwarves hate talking about height.
People who are not confident in their own minds
to hate being called “stupid” by others.
So,
how do we make ourselves more confident and resilient?
Let’s start by looking directly at the criticism
and accepting it in good faith, rationally.
1. Sincere attitude,
listening patiently
We must listen patiently,
not interrupt,
or use unpleasant body language.
Remember the scene
when the child was criticized by his mother?
They pouted their lips,
rolled their eyes,
and even though they didn’t say a word,
they used full body expressions to show their disapproval.
That often makes the mother even more angry:
“Baby, what is the attitude?”
So the mother took a whip and beat her son.
If the other party blames us,
we must not interrupt the other party
but wait for him to finish speaking before explaining.
That will make the other person feel that
we are tolerant people,
and at the same time will
feel indebted to us.
2. See clearly the nature of criticism
The communication expert said:
“In most situations,
people get angry,
leading to arguments not
because of the content of the talk,
but the attitude of the talk.”
In the same way,
people who get angry
and try to criticize the offender is not entirely
due to the mistake itself,
but the attitude of the other person
who refuses to admit the fault.
We should look at criticism with a peaceful attitude,
try to remove the sour tone,
see what the content really is,
and at the same time keep the attitude of
“fixing if there is a mistake,
then only if it is not”.
By doing so,
we may hear golden words.
3. Help the other person calm down and identify points to criticize
Sometimes,
the opponent has not stopped being angry,
criticizing us to be happy,
but we still do not understand,
do not know where we offended him.
At that time,
we must not directly argue,
but should help the other person to arrange his thinking circuit,
so that he can express his dissatisfaction.
4. Sincerely ask the opponent how to correct yourself
We should not respond to the other’s criticism,
but should ask a friendly question:
“I don’t know how to fix it,
can you help me?”
This will make the other person’s attitude immediately softer,
and will patiently show us how to improve.
5. Aware of mistakes,
bravely apologizing
It is said that
“If you know what’s wrong and correct it,
you’ll still be a good person”.
Our one “I was wrong”
one “I’m sorry” can help people keep the peace,
thereby solving the problem better.
6. Get rid of the “face” mentality
This point comes last
because it’s the hardest to do.
We definitely must not think that
being criticized once means losing face,
people who have just been criticized will be considered shallow
and uncultivated,
that is the real loss of face.
Working Manual
When being criticized we must not get too excited,
or else only worse results will arise.
So, how should we deal with criticism?
(1) Think about other people’s criticisms
If others have criticized us,
we should reflect on our mistakes
and correct our behavior.
(2) Ask someone who criticizes you
Our critics are usually quite understanding of us.
We can consult the opponent,
politely ask them how we should change our behavior,
how to be better.
