How To Say Welcome, How To Be Appreciated
Chapter 5: How to talk to make family harmony
Lesson 1: Tell your wife:
“Dinner was great tonight”
Recently, due to the stress of the company’s work,
Luc has to work overtime every day
until late at night to go home.
His wife constantly complained about this,
the couple also often quarreled because of that.
One day, Mr. Luc decided to temporarily put off work,
go home to have dinner with his wife,
the purpose of dispelling her dissatisfaction.
That day,
after returning home,
seeing his wife busy arranging dishes,
he was extremely touched.
At dinner, his wife still complained.
After dinner,
he actively helped his wife with housework
(although he rarely did this before),
his wife was allowed to sit on the sofa to rest.
After doing housework,
Mr. Luc played music,
poured tea for his wife,
and then sat on the sofa with his wife.
He softly said,
“You have a hard time these days!”
Wife coldly “Huh” a loud voice.
He continued:
“The dinner you cooked today was very suitable for my taste,
you must have put a lot of effort into it.”
Thinking of her husband’s busy work day and night,
also very hard,
his wife’s tone also became much softer.
She leaned into his lap,
the two of them listened to music,
enjoying the most comfortable time of the day.
The best method of communication that
Carnegie ever said was to praise others,
and this method is also suitable in family relationships,
especially between husband and wife.
This is synonymous with the “Border Effect” in psychology.
Complimenting others is
when others lack a certain need,
provide them with this need.
As long as it satisfies the need for self-respect
and value of others,
can give them approval and affirmation,
then objectively,
it can satisfy the emotional needs of the other person,
and the relationship
between the two parties can be achieved is also more convenient.
The “marginal effect” is that only
when the other party lacks a certain need,
we actively provide that need for them,
then the other person will be extremely grateful
and have a deep impression with him.
It can be said that praise is the spiritual food of people.
American writer Mark Twain once said,
“A wonderful compliment can add two months to my life.”
There is never a shortage of beauty in this world,
but only a lack of eyes and hearts that detect beauty.
As a husband,
if you know how to care,
it will not be difficult to discover the advantages of your wife,
if you know how to praise a few sentences at the appropriate time,
the husband and wife relationship will be harmonious.
Complimenting others is also consistent
with a principle in psychology:
A husband who praises his wife is bound to have a very happy family.
Mr. Truong is busy all day,
and yet he has to endure many complaints from customers
and reprimands from the director,
so he is extremely angry in his heart.
But every time he came home,
seeing his wife’s busy appearance,
he would happily sit down and have a meal with his wife.
Although he often receives guests and eats delicious
and exotic dishes outside,
but when he can sit and eat his wife’s cooking,
he feels the family atmosphere is warm,
his fatigue also disappears,
he said to his wife:
“It’s true that home-cooked rice is still the best,
I worked really hard!”
The wife worked all day,
came home busy cooking rice,
was also very tired,
but listening to her husband’s words,
she immediately showed a proud smile,
all the fatigue melted away.
Praise can not only make people’s mood happy,
but also can help others reduce the pressures in work and life,
and comfort their tired hearts.
Especially between husband and wife,
these compliments and concerns mean a lot.
For women,
they like to hear their husbands praise their cooking skills.
Therefore, as a husband,
you should compliment your wife’s cooking skills more.
Working Manual
Compliment your wife’s cooking skills,
this is what a smart man should do.
This is also an important factor to tighten the emotional bond
between husband and wife.
So, how should a husband praise his wife’s cooking skills?
(1) Complimenting your wife must be sincere, not forced
Women are most objectionable
when men are reluctant to them,
so you can’t arbitrarily say a “delicious” sentence,
express your sincerity,
try asking your wife how this dish is,
for those What seasoning,
how much time it takes,
starting from these little things
until ending with a compliment,
like that,
the husband’s compliment to his wife can achieve the best effect.
(2) Know how to use implicit expressions of praise
What do women focus on?
That’s how a man feels about his family.
Therefore, you should say more than these:
“The rice of the restaurant opposite is
still far from the rice I cook”,
“No matter how good the rice outside is,
it is not as good as the rice I cook”,
“Eating rice at home can feel the warmth and love” …
Lesson 2: Tell your husband “you are in good shape today”
A certain woman,
after marrying her husband;
Perhaps it is because seeing each other too much is boring,
so they feel that the other is annoying,
or find opportunities to attack the other,
thereby proving their superiority.
This woman’s classmate held a meeting
reluctantly, she had to bring her husband to attend.
During the meeting,
she saw other female friends all complimenting how good her husband was.
Her husband also tries to coordinate,
show a gallant and polite style,
so he receives many compliments from other female friends.
This made the wife very happy,
laughing all day.
After the meeting ended,
this woman walked on the street with her husband’s arm,
smiling and talking.
Arriving home,
she gently poured her husband a glass of water and said:
“You performed very well today,
I didn’t discover you had so many advantages before,
I have to pay attention to find out later understand again.”
The husband listened to his wife’s words and felt warm in his heart.
Everyone needs praise,
everyone hopes to receive compliments from others,
this is human nature.
In psychology there is the “Pygmalion effect”,
which is a person’s positive expectations
that are related to the expected outcome.
The name Pygmalion is taken from the movie My Fair Lady,
also known as the “Rosenthal effect”.
This effect is a predictor of self-satisfaction.
The opposite of the “Pygmalion effect” is the “Golem effect”,
which holds that lower expectations can lead to lower quality results.
We can derive the following suggestion from the “Pygmalion effect” in psychology:
Praise and expectation can have an effect beyond imagination,
can change a person’s thoughts and behavior People.
A person after being trusted and praised by others,
he will become more confident,
thereby gaining a positive motivation to rise up.
This effect can be applied in dealing with family relationships.
There is a wife at home,
a busy housewife all day,
her husband is very apologetic,
thoughtfully squeezes her shoulder and backs her back,
the wife sincerely says:
“I feel better now, thank you!”
Receiving compliments from his wife,
the husband was extremely touched,
in the following days,
the husband also actively squeezed her shoulder,
punched her back,
even cooked rice and washed clothes.
Why do men want to actively help their wives with some errands,
including sharing housework?
It is because the wife conveys to her husband some positive information:
“You really care about others”,
“The rice you cook is delicious”,
“You are the perfect man”…
Through the words praise from the wife,
husband can get a sense of success,
because he does not want to disappoint his wife,
of course he will try twice as hard to promote his advantage,
try to meet the expectations of the other party.
On the contrary,
if the wife conveys to her husband a negative expectation,
I am afraid that the husband will not want to serve the family
for the rest of his life.
American psychologist William James said:
“Man’s most earnest desire is to receive praise from others,
this is what makes man different from animals.”
Whether a celebrity or a layman,
everyone hopes to receive praise
and respect from those around them.
The assessment of self-image is a synthesis of the individual’s views
and the external environment,
while external information plays an important role in self-assessment.
When a person hears positive praise coming from the outside,
he will show more effort.
This also has a huge effect on handling family relationships.
When a husband dresses neatly and neatly,
his wife must definitely praise him,
later he will pay more attention to his image.
When the wife drinks hot tea that her husband brews,
she must not forget to praise a sentence:
“It’s so fragrant,
it’s much better than the tea in the shop.”
When a wife sees her husband tidying up the house,
don’t forget to say a sentence:
“Dad is so busy when he comes home from work,
he also helps mom clean the house!”
If the wife pays attention to each of her husband’s strengths
and promptly expresses her praise,
each wife will have a harmonious family,
a perfect husband.
Working Manual
Praise is a smart woman’s weapon,
the secret to a harmonious family… for women,
just know how to compliment her husband,
affirm her husband,
then the husband will become more elite. ,
more perfect.
So, as a wife,
how should you compliment your husband?
(1) Praise must choose “angle”
A wife must know how to say her husband’s good points
in front of others,
especially in front of outsiders,
not only can praise her husband in cleaning the house and kitchen,
but also have to praise her husband’s excellent aspects in life career,
limit talking in the husband’s house,
anyway,
men must have face,
they attach great importance to expression in front of outsiders.
(2) Skillfully articulating her husband’s expectations
“The soup you cooked a few days ago was very delicious,
but now I can still feel its taste…”
The husband will not be indifferent to this statement,
after satisfying his vanity,
he will say: ”
I’ll cook for you again someday…”
Perhaps, a few words of appreciation
and praise from a woman to a man are like “rainfall meets rain”.
Lesson 3: People in the family change new hairstyles
and new clothes, without regrets praising
Dad discovered recently that
his daughter was not focused on her studies
and wanted to advise her.
Girls are very stubborn,
so announced the decision to change the chat method.
One weekend,
Dad just walked in the door,
saw his daughter wearing a new coat,
he immediately complimented:
“Oh, where did you buy this shirt?
You dress very well!”
The daughter saw her father’s complimenting eyes,
in her heart was very pleased and excited:
“This afternoon while walking on the street,
Phuong pulled me into the supermarket,
I saw this shirt designed very well,
immediately buy it.”
Dad said:
“Very pretty,
my daughter’s fashion sense has improved,
it’s really pretty!”
Daughter feels very happy.
Dad continued:
“Daughter,
I know you don’t want me to interfere in your life,
but I still want to tell you that,
if you also make such great progress in your studies,
you will make it even better. I’m prouder!”
The daughter understands her father’s expectations and shyly says,
“Dad,
I know,
don’t worry,
I’ll try.”
Just one sentence of praise made this father complete a peaceful
and effective conversation with his daughter.
People want to interact
with people who know how to praise themselves,
this is an important rule in communication.
Everyone has a natural liking for beauty,
especially women.
As a husband,
you must not be indifferent to this nature of your wife,
you must definitely discover her beauty
and do not spare praise.
A husband’s appropriate compliment can make his wife happy all day,
while inappropriate words can even upset her for a week.
Praise used in handling family relationships is also very appropriate.
If a woman mentions her husband
when talking to other people, saying:
“He always looks at me with his eyes,
I buy a new shirt and say this and that”,
that not only makes me feel better.
Family relationships are affected,
but their image is also more or less damaged.
Therefore, as a man,
when seeing his wife has new clothes,
he should express his compliment first.
In psychology,
there is a law of “having fun together”.
This law indicates the harmony of affection
and mutual esteem between people,
which can enhance the reciprocal attraction in communication.
In other words,
“happy together” means that love will be loved,
respect will be respected.
People often like to socialize
with people who can bring them joy,
this interest will motivate them to try to reach out
to people who know how to bring them joy.
The woman who beautifies her lover for the sake of her lover,
in fact, not only women but also men,
have this same mentality.
People want to socialize with people who love them,
not with people they don’t like.
In life, the sentence that people most often say
when being scrutinized is:
“If you’ve seen such an eyesore,
why do you keep looking at me?”
This is precisely the refraction of the law of mutual fun.
A smart man will not attack his wife’s love of beauty,
but always respond positively
with the attitude of “making others happy”,
expressing his love for his wife directly and sincerely.
“This new hairstyle is beautiful,
but next time you have a little longer bangs,
I think that will be more feminine.”
“Look at your hairstyle,
it’s terrible,
what kind of barber did you choose?”
Two different sayings have different effects.
For family harmony,
praise and affection are indispensable,
and appropriate praise can ease a strained relationship
between two parties.
The wife just had an argument with her husband and went out.
The husband chased and pulled his wife into the cosmetics store.
Angry wife said:
“I find you annoying, why drag me?”
Husband said:
“Buy me this set of cosmetics,
as if I’m sorry.”
The wife did not object,
so the cosmetic brand was chosen very carefully.
Her husband stood next to him from time to time,
giving some suggestions.
After the wife bought a bunch of things,
the husband said with a smile:
“Are you satisfied with the things you bought today?
Women must maintain their beauty for a long time,
but if you get angry,
your beauty will be reduced!”
The wife glared at her husband,
but her heart was filled with happiness and guilt
because of her “sour” attitude.
After that,
the relationship of the two people has more understanding
and tolerance for each other.
Maybe a person who has a very straightforward personality,
behaves in a very disciplined manner,
and clearly distinguishes between them will say:
“I don’t think it’s beautiful,
why do I have to say it’s beautiful?”
Actually, this is not important,
the aesthetic of each person is not necessarily the same,
as long as the family likes it,
we can praise it,
considered a lie in good faith.
For the sake of family harmony and the relationship
between the two sides,
even if we make amends,
we should still use praise to pave the way.
If we can say a word of praise,
it can improve a family member’s low mood,
if our compliment can ease a tense relationship,
if our praise can
If you can make your loved one feel warm and loved,
try to be the first to give the compliment.
Cinderella after turning into a princess,
the person she should thank the most is the first person
to put on her glass shoes.
Thus, the compliments of relatives are extremely important to family members.
If we can do this,
we are sure that the family will always be in harmony.
Working Manual
When our loved ones change their external image
and get a new image,
we definitely don’t save our compliments,
let our loved ones see our compliments,
so the mood will be comfortable,
and believe The family will be more harmonious.
So, how should we give our praise?
(1) First discovery, first praise
When a loved one changes a new hairstyle,
buys new clothes,
we must be the first to realize that:
We should praise,
not wait for the other person to ask us.
Because many people after the renovation,
they often have a bit of insecurity and anxiety in their hearts,
don’t know how others will judge us,
if we can give them praise,
we will also receive a lot of praise opponent’s emotions.
(2) Praise must pay attention to technique
We must definitely let the other person feel that
the change of the other person makes us feel so new and comfortable.
For example,
we can say:
“Wife, today you wear these clothes,
you look so much better,
it feels like there is a flower garden in our house.”
This can create more confidence for the person
who has just been praised.
Lesson 4: Share with your loved ones secrets you can tell
Phuong Linh and her husband went to the hospital to check their health,
the doctor said that she might not be able to have children later.
Before her husband’s questioning,
Phuong Linh told her husband a secret that
she had kept hidden for two years.
It turned out that before marrying her husband,
Phuong Linh had loved two people,
moreover,
had an abortion once,
possibly a sequelae from that abortion that made her unable to get pregnant.
Phuong Linh’s husband often quarreled because of this,
and even wanted to divorce her.
This also became a weak point for her husband
to attack Phuong Linh,
making a small move would bring this matter out to hurt her.
That made her feel very miserable.
The reason why the relationship
between the couple was so tense was
because she told her husband the shocking secret,
like a thunderbolt,
making her husband feel surprised and very sad.
suppressed like a block of dynamite,
it only takes a spark to explode.
A secret like Pandora’s box, once told,
can break the relationship between the two parties.
(1) Pandora: In Greek mythology,
it was a box that the gods on Mount Olympus gave to Pandora
– the first woman to come to the human world.
Pandora was told by the gods not to open the box.
But with her curiosity,
Pandora opened the box
and what appeared in that mysterious box caused all the misfortunes
to pervade the world:
natural disasters,
diseases,
wars…
Psychologists point out that everyone has a curious mentality
and reveals secrets.
Of course, not all secrets can be shared with others,
especially with husband and wife,
if one party has more romantic memories than the other,
revealing too much will adversely affect their relationship of two people.
Couples who live in harmony
and have good relationships often choose
to share their secrets with their partners.
In psychology there is the “Johari Window” theory,
in this theory,
there is a content related to the interaction
between people and people.
Normally, people tend to keep their secrets,
but the “Johari Window” theory has shown,
an important aspect in human-to-human communication is
to increase secret disclosure.
This is the process of one person communicating with another,
or in other words, a smart exchange.
But this exchange of information (sharing secrets) is not absolute,
we have some information that needs to be kept,
especially between husband and wife,
the more we need to know how to share secrets
with the other side in a safe way have a choice.
Some psychologists have proven that good
or bad communication is strongly related to self-expression,
that is, sharing secrets with each other.
Secret sharing is the interactive process of human-to-human communication.
The more secrets we share with others,
the more others share their secrets with us.
The sharing of secrets also promotes relations
between the two sides.
But sharing a secret for
husband and wife also needs to be chosen and concealed,
not every secret is to tell all that secret.
Johari window reasoning:
In communication,
sharing our feelings with others will be extremely beneficial to ourselves,
it can make others understand our thoughts and behaviors.
Johari window theory is an important concept related to open feelings,
self-disclosure to a certain extent can promote communication,
however,
it is important to keep in mind what information is shared with others.
It must also choose.
One day two years ago,
when Minh Quan and his wife had dinner together,
suddenly he received a phone call.
It was Minh Quan’s ex-girlfriend’s phone call.
It turned out that her father was seriously ill,
Surgery requires money.
Although the two broke up,
but still remained friends,
Minh Quan happily accepted.
He told his wife that a brother’s girlfriend called,
that brother was sick and needed money.
Minh Quan’s wife did not think much,
so she agreed.
The next day,
Minh Quan brought the money to the hospital.
Occasionally,
his wife remembered
and asked Minh Quan about lending money,
who to lend.
Minh Quan immediately replied that
he was a brother and would definitely pay.
Two years later,
Minh Quan’s ex-girlfriend came to his house to return the money.
Minh Quan’s wife did not understand well,
until Minh Quan came home,
she understood the beginning
and the end of the matter.
Minh Quan explained:
“If I tell you this story,
I will definitely disagree,
the reason why I hid it for so long was
because I was afraid that I would think too much.”
The wife has been hiding the truth for two years,
but she is not angry because of that,
on the contrary,
the husband and wife relationship is even better.
It is necessary for husband
and wife to keep some secrets to themselves,
but some secrets,
when shared with each other,
may not lead to a more harmonious relationship
but a divorce petition.
A couple honestly sharing some secrets can make them trust each other even more,
but sharing a secret in the wrong way can ruin the relationship.
Everyone lives in their own world,
between people there are always some secrets that cannot be shared.
Therefore, when living with relatives,
can only share secrets that should be told,
thus making the family atmosphere even more harmonious.
Working Manual
Appropriately sharing secrets
with loved ones can make families more harmonious,
relationships with loved ones more harmonious;
but you also have to remember,
certain secrets are not shared,
once told can cause family relationship to break down.
So how much should we know about sharing secrets?
(1) Can share their own interests and hobbies
A few little secrets in life can boost the relationship
between husband and wife.
For example, when you were a child,
you ate a certain food
and had a “problem” with that food,
but after marriage,
your wife especially likes to eat this food,
you can share this little secret with your family wife,
wife will also show understanding.
Also, a few small habits
when we read books,
some innocent thoughts when we were children…
these little secrets don’t matter,
can promote a better relationship between husband and wife.
(2) Secrets of the company,
secrets of friends are not to be casually revealed
For example, details about documents,
plans,
and competitors need to be kept confidential at work,
not even a relative,
this is related to the issue of professional ethics.
A close friend confides in us privately,
tells us a secret,
if we reveal the secret,
we will lose a friend.
A friend’s secret is related to his whole family,
we accidentally tell his wife,
the wife spreads it out,
if this friend knows it,
it will definitely affect the friendship,
between husband and wife as well.
Because of this,
there is a little bit of a contradiction.
(3) Some personal secrets
Between husband and wife,
there are some secrets that cannot be shared.
Especially feelings with ex-girlfriends,
ex-boyfriends,
absolutely do not say arbitrarily.
These secrets are best kept forever in the heart.
Whether a woman or a man has jealousy,
these secrets,
once shared,
will surely leave an obsession in the other’s psyche,
affecting family harmony.
Lesson 5: When you encounter a sensitive topic,
try to be a little “slow to understand”
At dinner, Duc Truong’s wife said to him:
“Boyfriend Phuong Dung wants to sponsor her ex-girlfriend
to study for a master’s degree,
do you think it should?”
Duc Truong did not understand the meaning of his wife,
without thinking, he said:
“This is nothing,
I see that Phuong Dung’s boyfriend is also considered a person with meaningful love.
He’s also to be admired!”
His wife heard this and shouted:
“What? Do you dare to admire him?
You admire right?
Look at you men,
there’s the new,
not forgetting the old.
Haven’t you forgotten your ex-girlfriend?”
Soon, Duc Truong’s previous “debts” were mercilessly overturned by his wife.
Duc Truong felt that his wife was angry for no reason,
while angry,
he ignored his wife and went to find a friend to drink.
Women’s minds are very delicate,
and men often do not pay attention to this point.
In the story,
is Duc Truong’s wife angry for no reason?
Why is Duc Truong not responsible for this quarrel?
Many conflicts occur due to different ways of thinking
and behavior between men and women.
The principle of putting yourself in the situation of others to think:
Stand on the other person’s position to see things
and understand the opponent’s thoughts and feelings,
use the opponent’s psychology to think about problems.
Similar incidents often happen between husband and wife.
Why does a situation like this arise?
Because women are too sensitive and men are too indifferent.
I think,
if men can stand from the woman’s perspective
to think about problems,
the exchange between husband and wife will be much more convenient
and fun.
In their psyche has a principle of putting oneself in someone else’s shoes.
It requires people to stand in the other’s perspective
to think about the other’s feelings and behaviors.
This principle is relevant in handling family relationships.
In the above story,
if Duc Truong sensed the hidden meaning in his wife’s words,
would he utter those taboo words?
Of course not.
He will definitely think about his wife’s feelings.
In this issue where both sides are relatively sensitive,
men should handle it flexibly,
not rigidly follow their thoughts.
After all,
women love to make assumptions,
and they will worry more about the same thing happening to them.
Sensitive topics between husband and wife are many,
for example,
husband is not clean, lazy,
receiving guests drinking a lot,
women like to spend money,
have too many close friends,
previous love stories of the two sides…
Previous When the other side’s problems arise,
both husband and wife need to be calm,
keep the necessary flexibility,
avoid tension,
otherwise it may affect the relationship between husband and wife.
Most men come home late sometimes,
of course women do sometimes.
When the other party comes home late,
the person at home waiting will definitely be very uncomfortable,
so it is easy to have problems.
Duc Truong and his friends drank alcohol
until early morning,
bringing the strong smell of alcohol home.
When the wife saw her husband coming home so late,
she couldn’t help but complain:
“Do you still know the way home, see what time it is?
“Duc Truong was drowsy,
did not understand the meaning of his wife, babbled:
“Didn’t you call me already?
Friends meet,
I don’t go to bed early,
what are you waiting for?”
His wife waited until midnight,
of course,
a little resentful,
Duc Truong did not patiently explain
but also showed discomfort.
When his wife saw this,
she threw him a pillow and said,
“You think home is an inn?
If you want to come back,
then come back,
if you don’t come back,
then stop!”
Duc Truong drank a bit too much,
did not consider what his wife said:
“When I want to return,
it is my freedom,
no need for you to manage.”
Wife said: “Okay, I can’t control it,
then you don’t need to sleep with me,
you go to the sofa to sleep.”
Duc Truong also ignored his wife,
hugged the blanket to the sofa to sleep.
For several days in a row,
the two were in a state of cold war.
Husband and wife live together,
before the sensitive issues of the two sides,
need a calm and patient person,
it is not necessary to make the atmosphere so tense,
stand in the other’s perspective to think about the problem.
As a result,
the family will be much more harmonious.
Like Duc Truong in the story,
if he can stand from his wife’s perspective to think,
think about his wife waiting for him alone until midnight,
he won’t cause trouble with his wife,
both sides understand
and sympathize with him each other can increase the love.
Working Manual
Faced with sensitive issues of both sides,
how should we handle it?
(1) Put yourself in someone else’s shoes
Before answering the opponent,
we must definitely think about the other’s feelings and thoughts,
then base on that to flexibly express our ideas.
(2) Know how to self-criticize
Drinking too much alcohol to receive guests,
less time with his wife,
men must self-criticize,
at the same time have to make a deep review,
and the attitude must be sincere.
(3) Communicating with women must be commendable
Every woman hopes to be the best,
most perfect person in the eyes of men.
To do this, women absolutely must not become people who cause trouble,
sulking for no reason.
Men also need to understand women’s psychology,
through praise to reduce women’s sensitivity to some issues.
(4) Actively use body language to resolve conflicts
Someone once said: “Clinging has nothing to do with ability,
only love,
if a man doesn’t love you even a hug is stingy.”
When husband and wife are harsh and tense with each other,
in order to avoid serious conflicts
and divisions between the two sides,
let’s try to actively use body language to resolve conflicts.