How To Say Welcome, How To Be Appreciated
Chapter 4: Using language to protect the face and authority of the superior
Lesson 1: Protecting the identity of the other party
in addressing and communicating
The ancients said:
“The superiors teach,
we must respectfully obey,
the superiors rebuke,
we must correct”.
When we interact with the above,
we must protect their identity,
address them politely.
Showing respect is not only paying respect to the superior,
but also reaping great benefits,
because the superior can give us a lot of valuable experience and advice.
In fact, many young people living in big cities are often too busy
to miss many good opportunities
to learn from their superiors’ wisdom and experience.
They often think that seniors talk too much
or think that their ideas are conservative and outdated…
So, while talking to their superiors,
they unconsciously show disrespect.
There is an article that tells a story as follows:
A young girl in the city,
coming home Sunday,
saw her uncle using a rusted razor.
She immediately went to the uncle,
loudly said without politeness:
“The old razor is like this,
you should not use it anymore,
it is better to throw it in the trash.”
After saying that,
she took the razor from his hand
and threw it in the trash.
He just stared blankly in the mirror,
looking at the unshaven beard,
extremely angry but not willing to compare with a child.
The girl’s behavior really made people very angry,
even if it was well-intentioned,
it also hurt the superiors.
The human heart is always full of emotions,
you are good to your superiors,
of course they will also think of ways to repay you;
If you treat your superiors badly,
it will inevitably upset them.
even if it is not for mutual benefit and cooperation,
we should learn to interact with our superiors,
and show our courtesy and respect.
Usually, there is a big difference in the way of life,
and ideological conceptions of superiors compared to our own,
so it is difficult to find out the language.
Especially for married women,
the parents-in-law will be the superior that
you have to face most often.
The daughter-in-law’s relationship
with her parents-in-law is not good,
which easily causes quarrels and conflicts.
“Fashioning effect” refers to people using different social roles
to participate in activities,
and because of these different roles,
causes behavioral or psychological changes.
society’s expectations of a person’s role will directly affect
the role of the insider.
In order to show our politeness and cultivation,
we always need to show our respect
and respect the role of our superiors.
Even if our superiors teach us,
we must listen silently,
absolutely not showing understanding or arguing.
when a superior scolds us,
saying ten things,
of which only two are correct,
and the remaining eight are misunderstandings,
can we immediately argue back?
Of course not, then we can just say “yes”.
When people are angry,
they often lack reason, waiting for them to finish scolding,
the mood has become much calmer,
they will naturally think if there is anything too extreme.
Maybe they will take the initiative to peel fruit for us,
actively reconcile with us.
At that time,
we also have to behave naturally,
as if nothing happened.
Definitely not wise to say:
“Do you want to make peace?
Uncle should not be arrogant,
must follow the times.”
Along with the development of the times,
many elderly people also show a progressive spirit,
eager to learn,
they are interested in changes in all aspects of society,
and even have an interest in some events something new and trendy.
When we talk to them,
we can bring these topics to the table
and ask them about their past stories.
This is very easy to arouse their resonance.
In addition, due to their age,
they will also be extremely interested in health knowledge.
We can completely use our kind words
and care to provide them with knowledge about healthy eating,
advising them to eat some frugal food like rice brown,
sprouts… or provide some information
to suit the interests of the elderly,
to make their lives more interesting.
When we talk to our superiors,
we must pay attention to the methods and methods,
not only learn to listen,
but also coordinate
and encourage them to continue talking.
Here are some methods for your reference:
1) Start speaking from the person the superior respects
and cares about the most.
revolutionaries of the proletariat,
2) Start speaking from the topic that interests the superior most.
For example, their food,
health care and sports activities.
3) Start talking from the previous achievements of the superior.
talk about the medals they have won,
about their favorite souvenir,
historical events they have experienced…
4) Start talking
from the subject on which the superior has the deepest feelings.
-what they’ve been through compared to today,
the songs they used to sing,
their diaries or the books they read…
In everyday life,
our respect for our superiors often manifests itself in addressing
Here are two communication skills with superiors:
(1) No inferiority, no arrogance, no flattery
A dua flattery,
fake feelings will make the superiors feel that
you have other intentions,
thereby making them resentful,
They originally hoped to build a sincere relationship with us,
but because of that,
they lost the opportunity to develop.
If only we should respect our superiors in a principled manner,
(2) Natural attitude,
no need to be restrained
The superior is usually a person with rich experience
and rich knowledge,
young people who do not have much experience will easily become a laughing stock,
speaking inappropriately in front of the superior,
so it will be difficult to obtain in their admission.
But if our attitude is natural,
telling them some light topics,
they will happily talk to us.
Lesson 2: Stay humble, joke properly
People with a sense of humor are always loved by everyone.
These people in different situations often say some appropriate humor
making the atmosphere more harmonious.
The motives of these people are friendly,
but proper attention must be paid,
especially when conversing with superiors,
one must “pay attention to words”,
not to be rude to them.
Otherwise, it will have the opposite consequences,
making the opponent feel offensive,
and may even cause resentment.
The ancients said:
Gold does not have ten gold,
no human being is perfect.
we must not make fun of the faults
or shortcomings of our superiors.
we think we are very close to our superiors,
and we laugh at their shortcomings at will,
but these jokes can make our superiors feel that we are being sarcastic,
If the superior is a rather sensitive person,
we may anger them by an unintentional statement,
leading to the destruction of the relationship between the two.
A joke once said can’t be taken back,
no matter how you explain it,
at that point, we won’t be able to regret it.
The communication relationship in psychology must be understood to the extent that
the more intimate the relationship is,
the more likely it is to generate friction and conflict,
as if it were a new relationship.
This is the meaning of “Intimacy is not without distance,
good things also need to have a certain degree.”
Especially at work,
when we communicate with leaders,
with older people,
it is extremely important to understand the “level”.
Equal to the right age is a big taboo.
Leaders, elders can be close to us,
but we must not be too close to the leader.
Remember one thing,
a leader is always a leader,
even if he was a colleague,
we must not be treated arbitrarily like before.
The old joke is no longer appropriate,
if this moral is not understood,
it will easily cause awkward situations.
Minh Nghia applied to a company,
only to find out that the director of the department
– Khai Phong was his high school friend,
previously the two lived next to each other,
the relationship was very close,
they were good brothers.
After going to university
and moving house,
they gradually lost contact
and always felt very regretful.
when they first met at the company,
they were both surprised and happy.
the two of them went out drinking together,
talking a lot about their past high school,
both of them remembering that beautiful time.
But later on,
what bothered Khai Phong was that
Minh Nghia’s arbitrary personality did not change at all,
always teasing him in the company,
and often taking Khai Phong’s previous embarrassing stories joke.
At a company meeting,
Minh Nghia said: “Kai Phong,
I remember you couldn’t drink alcohol before,
you blushed every time you drank,
once while drunk,
you confessed your love to an English teacher.”
As soon as he finished speaking,
his colleagues all laughed,
Khai Phong also laughed,
but his face was a bit awkward.
Later, Khai Phong met Minh Nghia privately,
reminding him to pay attention
when joking at the company later to avoid bad influence.
Minh Nghia said angrily:
“We were all like that before, weren’t we?
Now that you’ve been promoted,
you’re better off than me,
so you shouldn’t look down on your friends.”
Just because the word “good friends” turned out like this is not worth it.
Khai Phong is not a passionate person like Minh Nghia said,
it’s just because Minh Nghia doesn’t understand the role in the relationship.
In that relationship,
they are no longer a pure friendship,
but a relationship lower grade and superiors,
how many people sit next to them,
if they are too arbitrary,
it will give others a feeling of “relying on privacy”,
which is not conducive to leadership building credibility.
Therefore, private jokes should be said in private,
outside of the company,
not at any time.
Like to joke is of course not a bad thing,
joking can bring laughter to everyone,
make the atmosphere lively,
and can also relieve frustration
and depression in your heart.
But when joking,
we must definitely keep the level,
Usually, in serious cases,
it’s not a good idea to joke around.
For people with different backgrounds,
personalities, and moods,
the ability to accept jokes is also different.
Still the same joke,
but can joke with person A but not with person B.
We also need to pay attention to one thing,
the attitude when joking must be friendly.
The process of joking is a process of emotional exchange,
communicating back and forth,
if we borrow jokes to poke fun at others,
release our feelings of hatred
and dissatisfaction in our hearts,
then others will easily recognize it.
Maybe some people will not be as quick-witted as you,
you have the upper hand on the surface,
but they will think that you do not respect them,
and therefore do not want to interact with you.
As the saying goes,
“Those who speak are unintentional,
the listeners are intentional”.
when we talk and joke with our superiors,
we should be careful,
pay attention to the extent,
not just for temporary fun but unintentionally
or intentionally hurt the other person,
so we will be unwelcome.
a completely insulting statement can completely bury good feelings.
In the case of politeness,
we joke to pay attention to the following two points:
(1) Joking must pay attention to the other’s feelings
When our superior is in a good mood
or is angry over a small matter,
we can try using jokes to turn their feelings around.
(2) Joking must consider the case and circumstances
In cases where it is necessary to stay serious,
pure or in a gloomy atmosphere,
we must not make fun of it.
Lesson 3: After being criticized,
how to deftly counter it
when they do something wrong,
will have to be criticized by their superiors,
when they have disagreements
with what their superiors say and do,
they will immediately have thoughts of opposing them.
Rebuttal is possible
but must try to save face for the opponent.
With different situations,
we can apply different methods,
otherwise it will be difficult to achieve the purpose of the objection,
otherwise it will affect the relationship of the two parties
and the communication later.
“Van Anh, what happened to your house recently that
there is such a loud noise every night?”
Uncle Ly, the leader of the residential group,
said angrily to Van Anh.
This is the second time Uncle Ly told Van Anh about this.
Van Anh knew that he was wrong,
Uncle Ly’s comment was right,
so he quickly continued:
I’m so shy, I’m so sorry.
my daughter is preparing for a piano exam.
You have to work hard every day,
otherwise all previous efforts will be wasted.
I will think of a way for my daughter to adjust the time,
practice the piano during the day,
and go to bed on time at night.”
Uncle Ly saw that Van Anh was so sincere
and said nothing more.
The “Emotional effect” of psychology shows that:
No matter how rational people are,
they are still more
or less governed by emotions.
In social relations,
anyone can make a little mistake
because they are not careful.
When our superiors criticize us,
we must create a way back for them,
even if their criticism is wrong,
we must deal with it calmly.
we can adopt an attitude of listening to the person’s opinion
and “don’t mind”.
when you introduce to your boss the work plan.
The boss again said:
“Implementing this plan seems very complicated”,
before this statement,
your best reaction is to smile understanding,
then continue talking,
not minding the doubt his suspicions.
Or for example,
you are an insurance salesman,
when you explain your knowledge about insurance,
maybe an elderly customer will say
“That sounds like a lot of money”,
you can immediately answer “yes”,
then It goes on to explain your plan,
and also showcases how the future benefits outweigh the initial investment.
When we encounter criticism from our superiors,
we can fully express our gratitude politely,
then temporarily put aside our dissatisfaction
and the other’s words for a while
and then deal with it.
Because when angry,
people will not listen to the advice of others.
After the incident is over,
we can say something like:
I’ll start discussing this later,”
or “Thanks for your opinion,
I’m focusing on this work now.”
can I take care of that later?”
But absolutely do not let the superior give rise
to the feeling of being judged
Some intelligent people anticipate that
their superiors may express opinions
and opinions that
differ from their own words or actions.
They know how to “inject a backup” in advance for the opponent.
when reporting to the company’s leadership,
we might say the following:
“There are some people who say this plan may be difficult to execute,
maybe they say it makes sense,
but it’s important.
The most important thing is our ability to perform,
as long as we strictly follow the predetermined plan,
there will be no problem…” or:
“Some people will argue that the equipment that
we have to replace too expensive,
but after checking,
I found this to be an appropriate level of expenditure,
because after replacing the equipment,
on average, we can increase our profit
by 300 million dong per month,
just half a year can get back the initial investment for the equipment,
while the life of the equipment is 10 years.
You can see the detailed analysis report below.”
When we speak in advance about the issues that
are likely to be denied and use an enthusiastic
and sincere attitude to clarify the truth,
making the leader see the advantages,
we can achieve our goals.
when our superiors criticize us,
it’s best to be a little tolerant,
what can be tolerated,
we try to be tolerant,
If indeed we have a matter of principle that needs to be clarified,
we can humbly state our opinion,
and even persuade the other party to accept our point of view.
If the other party’s criticism of us is well-intentioned,
we should sincerely thank,
not to save our face but overreact,
or even distort the other’s goodwill and sincerity.
In everyday life,
we need to be methodical
when we reject the criticism of the above.
Here are two small skills:
(1) Use persuasive arguments
When the superior criticizes us,
if we need to refute,
let’s try to negotiate with the tone of voice,
state the truth,
speak the argument,
and make the person above submit to obey,
so we can achieve the goal rebuttal.
(2) Maintain a good attitude in the face of criticism
Sometimes people’s criticism of us is due to a misunderstanding.
Even if the person above is not correct,
we must listen to them patiently,
and then explain the reason.
No matter what happens,
we must not have a negative or confrontational attitude.
Lesson 4: Making an official statement
in front of the above person needs a sequence
When speaking in front of the superior, we must be polite,
try to use humble and polite speech to show our good cultivation,
win the sympathy of the other party,
thereby creating a basis for The two sides went into deep conversation.
Especially when reporting work to the leader,
we must pay attention to the way we express our language,
otherwise the leader will find out the inadequacy,
like Le Thu in the example below.
In the morning,
the director was processing documents
when employee Le Thu came in and said softly:
I came to report the work situation this week.”
The director stopped what he was doing and said, “Okay!”
Le Thu began to detail some simple tasks that she handled well.
you can just look into these little things
and deal with them yourself.”
The director interrupted Le Thu and asked:
“That’s right, how is our bidding?”
Le Thu stammered:
“The document is still waiting for approval,
said it was approved last week,
but there is a problem,
it has not been seen yet.”
The director frowned and said,
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Le Thu lowered her head and said,
“Director, I’m afraid you’ll worry.”
The director angrily said,
“So now you say I’m not worried?
if there is a situation in the future,
you must report it to me first!”
if Le Thu’s reporting method had changed a bit,
the situation might not have been so bad.
Let’s try to see where this employee’s problem comes from:
First, from the very beginning,
Le Thu said a few small things in great detail,
making the leader feel like a waste of time,
so she “interrupted”
” Miss; secondly,
for work tasks that have changed
and are concerned by the director,
Le Thu did not speak out in time,
making the director very angry,
emphasizing “the first report”.
If Le Thu could change the reporting order,
the effect would be different.
She should say that the director cares first,
with matters of concern at work,
speaking first will have a completely different effect.
Le Thu should point out her negligence first,
bravely admit mistakes,
then come up with a plan to fix it,
showing that she is trying to work.
Definitely don’t try to cover up the mistake first,
wait for yourself to make up for this mistake
and then tell the director,
then he will get angry.
Whether we are facing a leader or a superior,
when we officially speak,
we must all present in an orderly manner,
showing our politeness.
There is an old saying:
“The person who respects”
I am one foot,
I respect you by one foot.”
As long as we show our courtesy,
of course the other side will respect us,
give us more space,
and eventually we will get the expected results.
the “polite effect” refers to being polite,
which can not only improve your communication skills,
but also make you quickly have a soulmate.
If there is a problem with our basic etiquette,
it is easy for the other person to feel it,
leading to misunderstandings,
and hindering communication.
In fact, when communicating,
even a simple sentence,
a good-willed look,
a smiling face,
the superiors will feel our respect for them.
By taking heart,
we can thus win the hearts of others.
On the contrary,
if we do not respect our superiors,
it is easy to lose our attraction,
they will not want to communicate with us anymore.
In everyday life,
the people we have to communicate
with can be seniors in every profession.
Sometimes it’s not about how well we say it,
but about how we interacted
with our superiors with a sincere heart,
showing our politeness,
expressing our sincerity,
Thus, it is possible to gain the trust of the other party and
also to build a relationship of trust.
When we officially express our views,
even if we have to face someone we don’t love,
we must not treat them coldly,
let alone arbitrarily lower the other party,
frankly say that the other person is not doing well.
However, that will be even worse,
making the opponent have a hostile mentality,
if the other party is not a generous person,
he may lash out and take revenge on us.
In front of the superior,
we must show our politeness,
this is the most basic quality.
Only then can we receive love and be promoted at work.
When making an official statement
in front of a superior requires order,
here are two small skills:
(1) Choose the right time
Look at the face of the person above
to “whether the rice picks up the fish sauce”, to act.
It is best to take advantage of the good mood of the superior,
let’s make an official statement,
reward for meritorious deeds,
We should not keep talking about some mistakes
or bad things when the superior’s mood is not good,
because it is very likely that
the superior will take out his anger on us.
We also must not disturb the superior
when they are focused on something,
it is best to wait for them to finish.
(2) Talk a lot about the results,
limit the problem
We must remember,
when officially speaking in front of the above person,
ask for opinions,
not raise problems.
The superiors like us to offer solutions
and suggestions to solve problems,
not list problems.
If we can give a few options,
they will sense our good attitude.
Lesson 5: Make a lot of recommendations,
let others decide for themselves
a sense of participation refers to a person’s psychological state
of being involved in events.
It is best to actively participate in events,
have their own opinions,
not participate blindly and passively.
Research psychology proves,
when people participate in something,
it will generate more interest in this.
This is the sense of participation.
We ourselves can have our own opinions,
we can make many recommendations,
but it is best to let the people above make the decisions,
and at the same time give them credit,
strengthen their “sense of participation”,
like so they will have a sense of success.
there are some husbands who are not good at cooking,
and go to the kitchen to ruin everything.
But the wives wanted to encourage them,
so they let them boil vegetables,
cut vegetables or something.
At the table,
the wife took advantage of the soup for her husband,
smiled and said softly:
“Look how delicious the soup we cooked together is,
the vegetables are sliced very evenly,
it seems that you have a lot of potential to become a person.
The wife shares half of the cooking work with her husband,
this action, though intentional,
has enhanced the husband’s sense of participation,
making the husband excited
and enthusiastic about cooking.
The wife’s housework burden can naturally be relieved,
finally achieving her goal.
In order for others to consciously participate,
we can make a few suggestions to the other person,
then ask the other person:
“What do you think about this?”
When the other party has the right to decide,
he will feel respected,
so it is easy to have a feeling of agreeing
with the person making the suggestion,
especially when the other party is the leader
both sides have resonance.
“What to do this time?”
Director Ninh constantly rubbed his hands in the office,
saddened by the poor quality of the shipment,
“At that time the other party offered such a low price,
I felt there was a problem,
but because I was greedy for discounts,
without thinking much,
shipment is not a standard item!
Almost ruined our company’s reputation!”
Secretary Ha Trang asked softly:
“Director, did you import goods from the factory before?”
Director Ninh sighed and said:
“Last week, I didn’t ask you to send an email to Director An,
who used to cooperate with us,
saying that he bid too high and could not continue to cooperate.
Now that’s good, offend him.”
Ha Trang said:
“Yes, then I also reminded you to think carefully before sending.”
Director Ninh thought for a moment and then said:
“Help me dial Director An’s number,
I have to personally apologize to him,
see if he can continue to cooperate with us!”
Ha Trang said:
“Director, you don’t need to call,
because Director An will not be angry.
I haven’t sent that email yet.”
At first, Director Ninh was very happy,
but then frowned and said:
“Didn’t I tell you to send it at that time?
Besides that email,
what else do you hide?
The last time the email told you to send it
to the subsidiary in the North branch,
did you not send it?”
Ha Trang said:
“No, the email from the Northern branch,
I sent it immediately.”
“Don’t say anything else,
who is the owner of the company in the end?”
Director Ninh angrily waved his hand and said:
Ha Trang felt resentful,
it was clear that she improvised,
devoted herself to the company,
but the director not only did not reward but also scolded.
Why? What made the director angry was the fact that
“who is the master in the end”,
Ha Trang was wrong in that she had not told the director that
she had made her own decision,
although it was the right thing to do,
but inadvertently took away the director’s decision-making power.
Research in sociological psychology,
leaders have a “desire to control” subordinates,
you decide to help him means you take away his control.
he will feel bad,
thereby taking out his anger on you.
Therefore, what we draw here is:
We should not make decisions for the leader,
nor should we make decisions for our predecessors or superiors,
the best way we can do it is just make recommendations,
and the decision-making power rests with the other party.
We can refer to this way:
When discussing an incident,
raise a few small issues,
express your suggestions,
and at the same time skillfully consult the opponent at the appropriate time,
the other party will feel his role is very important,
thereby feeling more interested in our affairs,
thus his psychological need for reverence will be satisfied.
No leader likes their employees to decide on their own,
no superior likes their subordinates to decide.
Usually, superiors are experienced,
have a lot of experience,
have wisdom and judgment,
and the ability to decide.
As for the things in which they themselves participate,
they want to be directors,
want to enjoy the privilege of making decisions at any time.
And we are equivalent to the screenwriter.
The scriptwriter has good intentions,
but he shouldn’t say to the director:
“I have to act like this in this movie”,
but should say,
“This movie I have a few different thoughts,
thanks to the director.
Acting helps me determine how the plot should unfold.”
when communicating with the above person,
if we have a good suggestion,
no matter how good or right,
we should not say “I think this idea is the best”,
but should say “I think this is the best idea”.
These ideas are all good,
but I have no experience,
nor can I be sure,
Then, we affirm the decision of the person above,
thus making them feel very attractive.
After that, of course,
they will protect us in everything,
increasing our success.
In daily life, if we want to protect the dignity of the above person,
the best way is to make many recommendations
for the above person to decide,
so that the above person will feel very respected.
Happy to interact with us,
+then try your best to help us.
The following two methods can get the above person to make a decision:
(1) Let the person above choose one of two good ideas
Let the superior choose one of the two options that
we have prepared,
no matter which option he denies,
there is a method to solve the problem that we give,
and the superior also gives respective decisions.
(2) Let the person above know that
we are expecting him to give an affirmative answer
We must give the superior a feeling of wanting
to hear their affirmative answer.
Once the superior realizes our waiting,
he will choose the answer we want the most.