How To Say Welcome, How To Be Appreciated
Chapter 11: In life,
let others unconsciously get closer to you
Lesson 1: Often gives small gifts,
it’s also close without work
Women probably won’t calculate how big the diamond on a wedding ring is,
but they will certainly talk endlessly about the lack of a rose on birthdays,
valentines,
anniversaries.
Men find ways to please,
save money a year to buy them a branded bag,
but make them doubt:
“Why are you suddenly so kind to me?
Did you do something wrong?”
This caused the man to cry out in pain:
“It’s hard to please!
How can I be happy?”
Talking about feelings of happiness,
psychologists have conducted a lot of research.
They found that enhancing people’s subjective sense
of well-being is a very difficult task.
Empirical research shows that,
no matter how good
or bad things happen,
people can quickly adjust their emotions
so that it returns to a baseline level of stability.
The human soul is like a vast ocean,
no matter how big a rock you throw into it,
the sea can still quickly return to its original state.
In psychology,
the ability to maintain one’s psychological state
and keep feeling joyful
and happy at a basic level
without being influenced
by the outside world is called the Joyous Wheel.
In the experiment,
there is a rather interesting finding,
although people will not increase their subjective happiness
because of a serious event,
but will increase their feelings
by constantly accumulating small things.
In life,
when we are with some people,
it will feel very boring,
the sun is the same every day,
there is nothing to look forward to.
Of course,
such people hardly leave an impression on our memories,
let alone like them.
However,
when we are with some other people,
we will feel new,
exciting,
full of surprises,
with new expectations every day.
People often express feelings of liking for things
they are familiar with.
Therefore,
in order to let others get close to you
and develop sympathy for you,
we must try to appear in front of others often,
bringing interest and pleasant surprises.
For each meeting to be both fresh and impressive,
an appropriate small gift is indispensable.
When we meet,
we can say,
“You’ve been in a bad mood lately,
it must have been hard work,
I bought you some vitamins,
remember to take it!”
“Do you really like this band?
I had a hard time getting their discs.”
“I saw that you looked like this star
so I bought the same shirt as the one she wore,
you will definitely look beautiful.”
Regularly giving others some delicate little gifts is a very effective way
for us to win the hearts of others.
People often love people who can create a little romance,
thinking that they can bring unexpected joy
and a different feeling in life.
In life,
people express friendliness because of love,
attract relationships,
ask for help… to do this,
gift giving is an inevitable step,
but gift giving must focus on techniques.
First,
you must understand the stance of gift giving.
Gifts are for giving to the other person,
you can’t just rely on personal preferences to choose what you like.
We are very easy to make the following mistakes,
when choosing gifts,
just based on our own preferences,
buy things that we like very much,
thinking:
“What I like,
others will also like it.”
As a result,
after giving it,
we found that the other party seemed to be disappointed,
making ourselves very disappointed.
When children unwrapped New Year’s gifts,
seeing an expensive branded fountain pen,
they pouted and complained,
“Didn’t dad promise to buy you a remote-control plane?”
The boy didn’t need to know the price of a fountain pen ten times more expensiv
e than an airplane,
he just felt,
“This is not something I like.”
Sometimes, we put some of our own subjective desires into the gift,
which forms a compulsive suggestion.
For example,
on her birthday,
the girl receives a philosophy book from her boyfriend.
The girl will think:
“What does he mean?
Is he calling me stupid,
telling me to learn a little more knowledge?”
When giving gifts,
we need to follow two principles,
either giving what others like,
or giving what others need.
There are some people
who mistakenly believe that gifts need to be expensive and valuable.
In fact,
the most precious meaning of a gift is kindness.
A gift that makes others feel that
you understand people’s hearts,
are meticulous,
and can quickly shorten the psychological distance
between the two parties.
If we are close friends,
we can learn the interests of each other.
For young girls,
it is possible to give beautiful jewelry;
with friends who like alcohol,
can donate alcohol;
For those who like to collect stamps,
stamps can be donated.
It’s up to each person to choose what they like.
In psychology,
the love principle is that
we all want to agree with love that someone
I know and love mentioned.
Winning the favor of others requires five factors:
Appearance, similarities,
praise,
relevance,
atmosphere, and a positive environment.
The principle of love in psychology shows that
when people like an object,
they will also like the thing related to it.
The proverb says:
“Love each other,
love the whole way,
hate each other,
hate the whole family.”
In fact,
we can also use the opposite,
so that others like our gift to like ourselves.
A thoughtful gift can become a “point of connection” in the soul,
causing the other person to develop emotions
and have a vague meaning:
“How do you know I like this?”
From there,
the two sides deployed the topic,
becoming close friends.
If we can’t impress the other person right away,
let’s let our gift reach him first.
Then make those gifts help us gain a place in the hearts of others,
even just passers-by,
and gradually become close friends.
Working Manual
We often give others a few small gifts,
it will give them a good mood,
the relationship between the two will also be deeper.
So when giving small gifts to others,
what should we pay attention to?
(1) Gift giving must be realistic
Normally, we give gifts to others,
it is best to be realistic,
a little public,
should not give too expensive things to the other person,
so it is easy to make the other person doubt his sincerity and refuse to accept.
(2) The best gift giving is one that can effectively express love
Want to express our feelings,
when giving gifts,
it is best not to let the other person see the gift
and think about taking money to evaluate.
For example,
giving the other person a leather jacket is not as effective as giving a nightgown.
Normally,
we can prepare a few gifts to give to our friends at any time.
Lesson 2: Have a peaceful attitude,
don’t make others feel oppressive
In life, we often hear the following assessment:
“I don’t know why,
the first time I saw you,
I felt very close,
I want to talk to you like a relative.”
Or:
“Seeing that face of his,
I don’t want to go up to greet him.”
Indeed, in communication,
it seems that everyone is surrounded
by a different kind of magnetic field.
There are people who have a radiant face,
speak softly,
are gentle and friendly,
can always attract others to communicate
and treat them sincerely;
Some people seem to coldly “put others out”.
Such a person will of course cause others to keep their distance,
not wanting to have intimate contact.
Attraction is a chemical term,
referring to the ability to connect atoms in a chemical reaction.
This word was later applied in social life,
indicating the ability and temperament that a person radiates,
which can attract others to interact intimately with him.
As for the cause of attraction,
psychologist Stanley Schachter says it is a feeling of loneliness.
He once did an experiment as follows:
Five volunteers were isolated in different rooms
and provided with food and shelter,
but their information sources were locked,
keeping them isolated from the outside world.
In this environment,
they all expressed stress and anger.
Just twenty minutes ago,
someone expressed “can’t stand it”,
asked to interact with people around.
The person who persisted the longest was eight days
and eight nights,
but after he went out,
he also showed his discomfort,
like being alone in there for centuries.
Experiments show that
each person’s psychology has a feeling of loneliness.
Socializing is to help people overcome this feeling of fear of solitude.
No one can be separated from others
and exist independently,
there are people who say “I don’t mind my friends” out loud,
but if people are really separated and isolated,
then that feeling of despair will make everyone feel lonely.
It was like he had just slipped into the water,
had to hold on to the buoy to save himself.
Attraction can be fostered,
so let’s shake hands from the usual mode of expression,
for example,
often smiling sweetly on the lips,
asking kind,
friendly questions,
using body language intimacy
such as shaking hands and hugging,
listening patiently,
not sparing praise…
that way you can show your peace of mind.
The more attractiveness increases our communicative attraction,
gradually we will be able to be like a magnet,
attracting people around.
Professor Thang teaches in the university,
students always sit in his class.
Students love him very much,
the atmosphere in the class is very lively.
He and his students talk about life,
love,
there is absolutely no distance
between student and professor.
After school,
some students even called him
“Father Thang,
Father Thang”,
he was not angry,
he treated everyone very happily and harmoniously.
When his colleagues saw it,
sometimes they couldn’t help but ask him:
“Professor,
you don’t distinguish big
and small from children like that,
do you think that
will lose the dignity of the professor?”
The professor laughed and said:
“No, treating them like this makes me feel psychologically balanced,
they don’t think I’m old,
can even be my soul mate,
I seem to have regained my feeling as well. ”
In life, many people have fame and status,
but in any case are worried that they will lose their majesty.
Therefore,
they are bound by this mentality,
creating psychological separation from students and staff,
losing attraction and persuasion.
In fact,
the more peaceful the attitude,
the more it will make the other person to accept the idea
without causing resistance.
This is the South wind law method in psychology and management.
It originates from the interesting fable of the French poet.
The South wind law method indicates that
the warmth outweighs the cold.
If applying it to school management,
it is only a manager
who must always take good care of his employees,
respect and care for them.
When employees have problems,
they must be there promptly.
Employees will therefore be grateful to you,
working hard to protect the interests of the business.
South wind and north wind meet on the road.
The north wind boasted of its great power,
and the south wind smiled,
neither affirming nor negating.
The north wind was very angry
and asked for a duel.
It pointed to a passerby and said,
“Let’s see who can make him take off his coat.”
The north wind tried with all its might
to blow off the man’s coat,
but the passerby,
because of the cold,
gripped his coat tightly with his hand.
The south wind only blows gently,
pedestrians because of the warm weather should take off their coats
by themselves.
It can be seen
that in order to achieve our goals,
we do not need to use a tough attitude,
but must use a soft and moderate policy.
In the past,
many leaders did not understand this principle,
thinking that for stubborn employees,
to maintain the image of the business and their face,
it is necessary to exert efforts to suppress and criticize,
but the effect is opposite.
At the same time,
it causes the resistance of employees,
forcing them to openly oppose,
making the leader even more unapproachable,
and finally the employees leave.
Some people are angry but do not dare to speak,
outwardly appear to be submissive
and supportive of the leader,
but in the heart,
they think:
“What is so talented about a leader that likes to criticize others like that.”
On the contrary,
excellent business managers know how to apply the “south wind method”,
try to humanize the management regime,
be considerate to employees’ hard work,
so that they can promote the unifying strength of the company.
The director’s attitude is mild,
the new employee dares to make reasonable recommendations.
A truly great business will be like a “family”,
and the leaders are parents who always say,
“If I have money,
I will not let my children be deprived.”
Working Manual
People like to socialize with attractive people.
So, to attract others,
what should we do?
(1) Create a sense of intimacy with others at work
In front of our colleagues and leaders,
we must be honest,
always remember to smile at them.
It is also necessary to have a temperament
and always be polite to the opponent.
This way,
other people will feel secure about you
and you will definitely attract them.
(2) Create a sense of intimacy with others in social situations
When we are with friends,
we must pay attention to our behavior and words,
not to let you lose face.
It is best not to be dominant,
a little discreet will make the other person feel easy to integrate with us.
Lesson 3: Don’t be too sublime,
also need to show small flaws properly
Kim Dung – a great Chinese writer was once asked by a reporter:
“Which character are you most satisfied with under your pen?”
He smiled and said:
“I like Vi Tieu Bao the most” .
This character is greedy for talent,
excellent martial arts,
defeating many great knights,
and in any situation,
he performs very well,
becoming the person that Kim Dung loves the most.
In the novel,
Vi Tieu Bao has stolen the hearts of beautiful women in the world,
but in real life he is also the image that men dream of,
and you can see his great attraction.
(1) Vi Tieu Bao:
is a character in the famous martial arts novel Loc Dinh Ky by Kim Dung
When the writer builds the main character,
there is an emotion like this:
“How readers like the main character,
will build the main character like that.”
For example,
readers like to read swordplay novels,
they will build up a superhero character,
when they see danger,
that character immediately appears,
winning every time.
+Readers enjoy finding an intense sense of direction,
immediately making themselves into the protagonist,
worried about his danger,
repenting of his mistakes,
rejoicing in his growth.
Therefore, the main character absolutely cannot be a perfect person,
otherwise it will make readers unable to integrate,
feeling that the character is too different from his own image.
Therefore,
the character image will become artificial and forced.
In real life, too,
ancient writers often lamented “cold when standing on high”.
People who have a certain status will hardly be able to have a true friend,
this is because they are too sublime,
making it difficult for others to understand.
Therefore, we can think of ways to reveal our flaws,
thus making it easier for others to approach us.
In psychology,
the “pratfall effect” is a smart person
who knows how to make a small mistake properly,
so it will make others feel that
he has a little flaw like the average person.
Usually, they will like him more.
The “Pratfall effect” introduced by the famous American sociologist
– Elliot Aronson is about this point.
This effect indicates that
successful people in life accidentally make a few small mistakes,
which will not only not affect his image,
but also cause people to develop a feeling of approval and intimacy.”
So he makes the same mistakes as normal people.”
So people will like him even more.
The psychologist did the following experiment:
He let volunteers watch a video together,
the content was a simulation of a TV interview.
In the performance,
the host in turn interviewed four guests.
A is a successful person,
when he receives an interview,
he is very liberal,
full of confidence,
very mature,
and occasionally receives applause from the audience sitting below;
B has great achievements in his career,
but when he is interviewed,
he is a bit awkward,
especially when asked to talk about his successful experience,
he seems a little nervous,
accidentally spilling the coffee cup on the table,
wetting the host’s dress,
and constantly apologizing;
C is an ordinary person,
in the interview,
he appeared to be very liberal and proper,
but nothing outstanding,
so he did not have a special speech;
D is also a normal person,
but he is very nervous,
does not dare to look directly at the host when talking,
makes mistakes,
and even spills the coffee cup on the table.
After the tape ended,
the psychologist investigated people’s impressions of the four guests.
It is not surprising that D received the “worst impression award”,
because he is a character who always makes mistakes in life,
making people feel uneasy.
But what surprises people is that
the most impressive people are not A “almost perfect”
but B “accidentally spilled the coffee cup”.
People expressed,
this small mistake makes people feel that
he is more authentic,
has a feeling of closeness,
and A is too perfect,
on the contrary,
it makes people feel distant.
Analytical psychologists,
people don’t want to be friends with “perfect people”,
there are three reasons:
1. Self-esteem takes control
Their own attractiveness is completely overwhelmed
by the opponent,
incomparable,
their own value is not shown,
people will arise out of jealousy,
hostile attacks towards the opponent,
or because of selffi and stay away from “shining characters”.
2. Inaccessible
That feeling of distance makes people look at them with fear,
giving rise to distance and loss of attraction,
just like people admiring the gems on the top of the tower,
looking back for a long time will lead
to diseases of the cervical vertebrae,
therefore,
sitting in front of the window is even closer and more realistic.
3. Can’t brood the opponent’s mentality
Everyone knows that there is no perfection in the world,
a person with a “perfect” appearance will give others a feeling of hiding,
pretending,
unable to guess the other person’s true feelings,
making people feel uncomfortable.
We lack the courage to treat honestly
and lack a sense of security in communication.
On the contrary,
a successful person does not need to live stressfully every day
because of maintaining his image,
knowing how to properly expose his flaws will increase the level of love that
people love people for themselves.
Smart people all know how to use this “disclosure effect”
to increase support
and attraction in communication with others.
The valedictorian of block A of a certain school,
when he received an interview,
said:
“Actually,
my ability to take care of my life is very poor,
often when I am busy thinking about a problem,
I will immerse myself in it,
sometimes walking on the street still wandering around.”
But this small defect is sometimes used
by parents to teach their children:
“Look, people are valedictorian.
Unlike me,
I can only play all day,
when you try to lose your way like her,
let me see.”
The robot cat Doremon has a “miracle bag”,
which is worshiped and desired
by countless children around the world,
and also has the defect “fear of mice”.
Every time it sees a mouse,
it will scream and run around the room,
while hiding behind Nobita’s back.
This shortcoming will be used by children to comfort themselves:
“Even a magical robot cat is afraid of mice,
what’s wrong with being afraid?”
The small defect of the “perfect person” will bring others a close
and light space.
So, let’s try it out!
Working Manual
If a person is too elite,
it will unintentionally create a sense of pressure for those around them.
Therefore,
if we want to live comfortably with others,
let’s try to reveal our small shortcomings:
(1) Must have an attitude that is not afraid to reveal weaknesses
When we are too conservative or protect our image too much,
it will be difficult to reveal our shortcomings,
which also means that we lose the opportunity
to live intimately with others.
Therefore, we need to have an attitude
that is not afraid to reveal our flaws,
so that the other party will feel that
we are sincere people who want to interact with us.
(2) Consider revealing flaws as a motivation to rise up
People who do not dare to look directly at themselves
It often focus too much on themselves,
so they will not have much motivation to rise.
And people who dare to reveal their own shortcomings are often easy
to correct their shortcomings,
let their weaknesses turn into strengths,
and gradually gain achievements.
Lesson 4: Asking for others is as simple as possible
“I don’t expect to have your love,
but please let me be with you, okay?
I will quietly watch over you
and you will not have to bear any pressure and burden.”
This sincere confession has touched the hearts of countless girls,
saving countless love stories that are about to end.
In life,
the smaller and simpler the requirements,
the easier it is to be accepted,
even arouse the other’s compassion,
increase the other’s sympathy,
so that the two sides continue to develop,
its relationship.
On the contrary,
if we make sizable requests in the first place,
they will often be rejected.
It can be explained like this:
if we start with a small request,
the other party will easily accept it,
once we make a larger request,
the other party will want to maintain its own image.
That is,
if you want to be a good person to the end,
you will easily accept this request.
Psychologists call this “the threshold effect”.
In psychology,
the “Skips threshold effect” refers to the fact that
it is difficult for people to accept difficult requests,
so we have to step by step make requests
and hopes of yourself,
let the other party slowly accept,
finally achieve the goal you want.
The psychologist did the following experiment:
He asked volunteers to visit some nearby women,
as environmental advocates,
and then asked these women to hang a poster.
propaganda banners on their windows.
They feel that the banner size is not large,
will not affect the light and aesthetics,
so it is easy to accept.
Two weeks later,
the volunteers visited these women again
and also visited families who had not participated in the first survey.
This time,
the volunteer again made the same request,
only the size of the banner this time was much larger,
hanging on the window
not only affects the beauty but also blocks the light.
This is indeed a difficult request
that makes it difficult for people to accept.
The survey results showed that,
among the women who received the petition for the small banner,
55% agreed to the second request,
while the women did not participate in the second activity.
At most,
only 17% of them agreed to this petition.
It was because the women had previously agreed to the small request,
so facing the difficult request,
because they wanted to protect their own image before and after,
they tried to be a good person to the end.
Referring to the “step-through effect”,
we will think of salespeople going to sell.
They are often just introduced to the product and have been quelled
by a cold “no need” rejection.
And the sales staff couldn’t help but complain:
“It’s so hard to get customers to accept it right away!”
For experienced salespeople,
their difficulty is not how to introduce the product,
but how to enter the customer’s door.
There is even a saying in the profession:
entering someone’s door means selling half of the product.
Salespeople are getting smarter and smarter,
at first they don’t ask for a “buy” but ask for a “free trial”,
first offering a “benefit” for customers to relax their vigilance.
For example,
they often say
“Hi, today we have a free kitchen cleaning activity
to showcase our cleaning products.”
That way,
the other party will easily let them into the house to help clean up,
after that,
customers will see the seller’s sweaty appearance
and will feel shy to refuse their products,
thereby actively buying.
The request can really be “hidden”,
waiting for the time to be ripe,
the other party will take the initiative to make it
because of guilt or emotion.
The more people show that
they “don’t want to disturb people”,
the more people will sympathize,
develop emotional interaction,
thereby sympathizing with difficulties and emotions.
A competition program on television, in the end,
two contestants remained,
both young and handsome guys.
Everyone knows,
they have already gone through the contest rounds,
and the last round is the round to attract the audience,
increase the number of votes.
To interact with the audience,
A does it this way:
“Can everyone cooperate with me?
Do the moves with me,
cheer for me.
Let’s do it together nine times, okay?”
He said and then began to do a movement
that was a bit difficult and laborious.
Below were all polite spectators,
finding it inconvenient to displease him,
so they followed suit.
He did it while counting,
finally doing it right nine times.
Even the presenter realized that
this move made the audience very tired,
so he gave a clever suggestion:
“Boy, I know what you mean,
but this way of interacting,
I think it’s a bit difficult for others,
why make everyone do it nine times?”
And B actively attacked the well-off in friendship,
talking about the elderly mother,
talking about her miserable childhood and mother’s hardships,
talking to the point of tears.
Finally,
the MC invited his mother to come on stage,
the mother comforted her son not to cry,
then the mother herself could not hold back her tears.
B had a hard time stabilizing his emotions:
“Being on stage today,
I feel satisfied.
But I have a small request,
I see her working so hard,
can you give her a round of applause for ten seconds?”
Some audience could not help but burst into tears,
suddenly the whole hall resounded with loud applause,
not only ten seconds
but five minutes later,
the applause did not stop.
Therefore,
when making requests to others,
it is best to start from the simplest request,
so that the other party has a receiving process.
This is like climbing stairs,
we have to climb step by step,
we cannot get there in one step.
If we have made high demands from the beginning,
we will make the other party either refuse,
or accept but are not satisfied.
Working Manual
If we want the other party to receive a very large
and very difficult request,
we must first let the other party receive a smaller request,
wait until the other party receives this small request,
it will be easier to accept the request,
that’s difficult.
So, what should we do?
(1) What should a seller do?
Smart salespeople must know how to dispel customer anxiety.
For example,
when a customer comes to the store,
he must first let the customer try on the clothes,
the customer after wearing the clothes must praise,
and at the same time need to serve attentively and meticulously.
Only then advise customers to buy,
customers will find it difficult to refuse.
(2) What should a teacher do?
Smart teachers will not let students complete heavy learning tasks for a while,
teachers will first let students complete a few easy exercises first,
and then give more difficult requests.
(3) How should a leader be?
If the leader wants the employee to work harder,
ask him to do a few small things first.
If he’s a newbie,
don’t immediately ask for too much,
but make some requests a little more difficult than before,
and encourage him to complete them.
Lesson 5: When necessary,
pretend to be confused
Trinh Ban Kieu has an explanation of “future”
and “intellectuality” as follows:
“Intelligence is large and small,
the map is real and fake,
the so-called smart is small,
the map is real,
wisdom is fake,
and the so-called great intelligence,
the confusion is fake,
the wisdom is real.”
When necessary,
we pretend to be confused,
everything is not stubborn,
that will benefit us.
The example below can demonstrate this point.
During World War II,
an American reporter received some intelligence
and published it in a Chicago newspaper.
The main content of the intelligence was:
A group of spies led by Roosevelt had cracked the Japanese Midway attack code,
Japanese marine operations department confirmed the leaked intelligence by outside.
Such disclosure of the code immediately caused the displeasure of those involved,
who demanded that President Roosevelt order strict interrogation.
If this is discovered by the Japanese intelligence agency,
it will immediately change the password,
adjust the battle situation,
and the US army will also fall into a passive state.
But, Roosevelt pretended nothing happened.
As a result,
this story was quickly extinguished,
and the Japanese intelligence agency did not detect this matter.
The leader pretending to be confused is to protect himself in a safe position,
entering can attack,
retreating can defend,
leaving space for himself and others.
It was because Roosevelt knew how to pretend to be confused that
he won the final victory.
So, how will pretending to be confused will manifest?
1. Do not reveal other people’s secrets,
do not threaten others
In the duel, the bad guy will say:
“No one found the evidence,
because everyone who saw the evidence was solved by me.”
In the end,
the people who save their lives are the “blind” and the “idiot”,
because the bad guys will believe that
these people have no secrets to reveal,
when others ask you warily,
“know what?”
Your best friend pretends to be innocent and says,
“What? I do not know anything”.
Everyone doesn’t like being around someone who’s too smart.
When we are with an intelligent person,
we will feel that the other person knows too much,
we become insecure,
and we are also afraid of being deceived
and calculated by the other party.
Therefore, always be on high alert
when around the other side,
do not dare to speak arbitrarily,
do not say “confess”.
Human psychology is afraid of others knowing something,
knowing some of their weaknesses.
At work,
each person keeps a small secret,
does not want others to know.
Some people have bad intentions in their hearts,
afraid of being told by others,
so they become hostile towards those who discover the secret,
even running to the director to blame.
For example,
one day when you are off work,
you accidentally see a colleague sending an anonymous letter to his boss.
When that coworker shyly asks you,
“Did you see anything,”
smile and say,
“No, just passed by.
We’re all hungry,
let’s eat together!”
Then make an excuse to change the topic of conversation.
That can save you a lot of unnecessary trouble.
But after that,
we definitely must not tell
or discuss behind our backs,
a smart person will know that
you deliberately concealed a secret to help him,
in his heart will develop feelings for you,
and may even become friends.
2. Doubtful stance,
not participating in the struggle
If two friends argue,
come to you as the third person to reason.
You definitely must not consider yourself a “fair balance”,
analyzing things with reason,
specifying who is right,
who causes trouble,
who is more right,
who is more wrong.
Actually,
being a “mediator” is not easy at all,
even if you have the final conclusion
“both of you are not wrong”,
you can still offend both sides.
They will be angry
because you did not take their side,
and will definitely not leave you alone.
Even together raising their fists at you:
“No one is wrong?
Well then,
it’s your fault!”
So the best way is to not participate in comments,
pretending to be an outsider:
“Sorry, I don’t understand”.
Let me withdraw,
not join the fight.
In psychology,
ambiguity refers to understanding some things in the heart,
being tolerant of others,
open-hearted,
but pretending not to understand on the outside.
This is an expression of self-cultivation.
There are also people who pretend to be dubious,
making other people love them very much.
Apparently he knew they were arguing
but pretended he didn’t.
He stood in front of person A and said,
“Let’s find B to eat together later?”
A angrily said,
“Don’t mention his name in front of me!”
The “slut” said:
“Isn’t that right?
I heard him praise you yesterday,
didn’t I?
What’s wrong, are you two arguing again?”
A will feel surprised,
even feel narrow-minded,
so don’t want to tell him about the quarrel,
hastily explain:
“No, we are so close,
how can we quarrel?
That’s right,
what did he praise?”
3. Don’t make others lose interest,
save face for others
As a human,
everyone wants to save face,
everyone hopes that they can appear in front of others,
be respected and focused by others.
When dealing with people,
you can pretend to be confused appropriately,
save face for others,
naturally others will also be grateful to you.
In the company,
there is a young employee named Thanh Huy,
who is highly educated,
normally likes to show off his education and achievements,
and also likes to bring out other people’s bad habits to uncover.
Colleagues did not like him,
feeling that he was arrogant and conceited.
Only Duc Truong is close to him.
When Thanh Huy boasted in front of him,
Duc Truong often nodded and said:
“Yes, you are really good!”
And Thanh Huy is also very happy to be praised,
often “teaching problems” for Duc Truong.
Duc Truong also often smiled and thanked him:
“Thank you,
I really didn’t think of it!”
What Thanh Huy doesn’t know is that
Duc Truong’s academic ability is higher than him,
moreover,
he is the most experienced employee in the department,
the “number one employee” in terms of expertise.
Colleagues couldn’t stand Duc Truong’s “secretive patience”
and immediately said:
“You just let a sly kid dance
through the eyes of the craftsman like that,
he still thinks you don’t know anything. !”
Duc Truong laughed and said:
“Young people are often aggressive,
when we first enter it is the same,
always want to be better than others.
He hoped to show his intelligence,
so I pretended to be confused,
or else I will lose face for others,
is it worth it!”
These words reached Thanh Huy’s ears,
he felt extremely embarrassed,
later became much more humble,
and at the same time became close friends with Duc Truong.
Really talented people are always those
who know how to “pretend to be confused”,
know how to be humble.
They know how to save face for others,
patiently listen to those who like to brag,
the more they demonstrate the wisdom
and style of the “dumb person”.
Working Manual
In society is fierce,
to get a place in work,
intelligence is not necessarily the deciding factor,
try pretending to be confused.
Sometimes,
pretending to be confused will make yourself more favorable.
(1) Pretending to be confused is an art
Understanding but pretending to be confused is an art.
As long as we understand in our hearts,
use an open heart to tolerate these things,
it will make our career even more favorable.
(2) Don’t expose your talents too much
We must not see other people’s shortcomings
and immediately expose them;
we must not see the other’s mistakes as criticism.
Likes to show talent in an excessive way,
it is easy to make others resentful.
Let’s try to pretend to be confused,
skillfully give the other person the opportunity to correct,
the other person will understand in his heart,
then sincerely thank you.