How To Say Welcome, How To Be Appreciated
Chapter 1: Understanding the other’s psychology when talking
Part I: How To Say Welcome
Talking is the most direct way to gain the affection of others.
Talking is not just a face-to-face exchange
but also an art of communication,
everyone needs to practice.
Lesson 1: Based on the status and position of the other party to talk
Today’s youth always demand the liberation of personality,
respect for equality,
and disregard the rules handed down from their ancestors.
Oriental people from ancient times to now value their duties,
follow the rules,
just know what their position is in society,
they will obediently accept it,
because they are afraid of causing trouble.
At first glance,
this may seem like a shy and gentle personality,
but it is actually intelligent and satisfactory.
In historical movies,
there is often a scene like this:
A commoner runs to the manor’s office,
points at the mandarin’s face
and curses at the mandarin,
although he looks brave,
but in the end, he is dragged out,
fight for a battle of a lifetime.
Or if there is a guest in an inn,
if it is a simple student,
the minor will say:
“The guest has had a hard time on the road,
here we have two dishes of vegetables
and a small bottle of wine,
please have a drink will keep you warm!”
If you were a boss
and knew you were rich at first glance,
the minor would say:
“Old man, the inn has seafood
and fine wine for you!”
The shop has such an ingenious cottage,
it’s strange that the business is not good.
If you change the subject
and say the opposite of these two sentences,
the student will feel ripped off,
and the old man will feel that the inn is poor
and unworthy of him.
So the problem is?
It is in the position that before speaking,
it is necessary to clearly define the status of the other party.
Young inexperienced people may think this point is not important.
The fact is,
when we talk,
if we know based on the other person’s status and status,
it will not only be suitable for basic etiquette
but also suitable for people’s psychological needs.
Once your words satisfy the psychological needs of others,
it will of course help improve
and strengthen our relationships with those around us.
in the process of communication,
looking at the other person’s status
and status to speak will mainly have the following effects:
1. Strengthen the opponent’s consensus with his status
In the content of the theory of needs pyramid,
Maslow – American psychologist said that:
The need for self-actualization is a rather high need,
its usual expression is feeling honored
and successful is not the same as “honor”
but is a necessary condition for someone to assert their position and role.
“Soldiers who do not want to be generals are not good soldiers”
It also have a reason for it.
Its purpose is to show one’s worth,
and at the same time feel the majesty
and honor of one’s position.
Everyone has vanity,
if you feel this is vulgar,
then you can hide yourself in a temple where there is no dust.
But you need to know that,
in the spiritual place,
there are also distinctions in terms of caste,
Sixty-seventy years of practice in exchange for a “master” of the disciples,
and as many years in exchange for a sentence of “great master” on the Gypsy.
2. Mutual benefits
Social psychology believes that the speech
and behavior of each member of society should be consistent
with the behavioral norms
and ethical standards of that person’s role and status.
In social communication,
because each person has different roles and status,
they will decide on different methods
when people communicate.
Based on the status
and status of others to use the corresponding way of talking,
it is possible to maintain an appropriate distance
between you and the other person,
and also make the relationship between you
and the other person become more and more difficult.
The concept of “social role” comes from the technical word
that is the role in the film
and the drama that evolves.
in the process of analyzing social interactions,
have discovered that the social stage
and the film theater have some similarities,
so people immediately borrowed the concept of “role” in the film
to applied in psychology and sociology.
there are some people who,
when talking to others,
do not distinguish between young and old,
do not distinguish between front and back,
do not understand the relationship
between themselves and those around them.
People like this talk,
but of course others will never want to listen,
let alone through communication to draw close relationships with people around.
life is like a deck of cards,
social status is the number on the card,
the same card but the effect is not the same.
If you’re number 5,
you can’t beat 6,
here’s the order.
If you mess up,
it will be difficult to continue playing.
So play with common sense,
you may be a happy 5,
but remember that 6 is bigger than you.
3. Increase other people’s respect for you
If you can base on the status
and status of the communicator to apply other methods of talking,
especially for those in need of special respect,
this is extremely important in terms of speech and attitude.
you can both satisfy the psychological needs of the other person,
and at the same time show your own qualities and cultivation,
thereby also causing others to repay you with the same respect.
The respect and care of people is always an interaction with each other,
which is both consistent
with the description of the law of attraction in psychology
and with the inner lack of human psychology people
– whether in communication or other times,
people often strive to find psychological balance,
when you respect and treat others with respect,
others will think of ways to respond to the treatment similar
to yours in attitude or behavior.
There is a proverb that says:
“Does the rice pick up the fish sauce”,
we need to base on the difference in status
-and status of the opponent to apply different talking methods.
So, what should we pay attention to when we talk?
(1) Know your status
Whenever we talk,
we must understand our identity and position.
The thing to pay special attention to is this:
In different cases,
in front of different objects,
you will have different identities and positions.
you may be a strict parent,
but at work,
your status is determined by your position
or how important people in the office are.
(2) Understand the difference in status of yourself and the other party
The role or status of each person in society is only relative,
when we talk to others,
we must understand whether our own status
and the other’s position are different.
If there is, then the difference is big or small,
must understand this point,
when talking to others,
we will not be confused and make mistakes.
Lesson 2: Based on the other person’s facial expressions to talk
Immersed in love,
the girl with a troubled mood
when arguing with her boyfriend,
often cried and asked:
“Do you love me after all?”
Then because of a dry
“I love you” statement from her boyfriend,
she will immediately trust and forgive the other party;
You lose confidence at work,
face a difficult manager,
sometimes you are so stressed that you don’t know what to say.
So is it because your boyfriend is too good at camouflage
or the director is too difficult to put you in such a situation?
it all comes from you:
To become a wise person,
have beautiful love,
be a favored employee,
prepare for promotion,
all need to start from the role of psychology.
There is a proverb that says:
“Knowing the face,
but not knowing the heart”,
the human heart is hidden deep,
only you can understand it.
Psychology teaches you to “know faces”,
“face” here refers to facial expressions.
From a scientific perspective,
it is psychological decoding through the face.
Do you know what the ancient Persian merchants
who set prices for gems had a trick?
They rely on the customer’s pupil dilation
when seeing the gem to determine the price,
the larger the pupil dilation,
the more customers like the gem.
That’s why we often hear customers complain like this:
“Why is it that the more things I like,
the more expensive it is?”
Looking at the small example above,
have you understood something?
Doing business needs to rely on other people’s facial expressions
to guess the other person’s feelings.
Normally, when we communicate with others,
it is also necessary to combine with the other’s facial expressions.
if you want to know if what you are saying
is what the other person really wants to hear,
then when you talk,
pay attention to the other person’s eyes.
A person who is good at lying has a pair of honest pupils.
Psychologists have discovered through research
that pupils can truly reflect a person’s inner changes.
When people see
or hear people or things they like,
the pupils rapidly dilate;
the pupil will shrink.
Therefore, the next time you talk to your friends,
you should definitely not just sit there
and talk about things you think are interesting,
but you should talk about the topic with the purpose of probing,
then observe the facial expressions of the people,
if they all seem to not care about you,
showing disinterested faces,
it’s best to change the topic of conversation.
world-famous lie detector
– Paul Ekman said:
“We use the larynx to talk,
but we use facial expressions,
tone of voice,
even the whole body to express and convey emotions.
Faces are very honest,
moreover often express people’s moods.
Humans cannot consciously control their facial expressions.”
Paul Ekman (February 15, 1934 – ) is an American psychologist,
born in Washington, USA.
He mainly studies the expression of emotion and its physiological activity,
the expressions of facial expressions that show deception in communication.
He is the first one in the study of emotions and facial expressions.
In 1991, he won the Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award
from the American Psychological Association.
He is the prototype of the lead actor Cal Lightman in the American film Lie to me.
Here are some facial expression decoding information,
analyzed from a psychological perspective in the very popular American film Lie to me.
1) The liar will not normally avoid the other’s eyes,
but more need to make eye contact to judge whether the other person believes
what he says or not.
2) If when the other party recounts the incident,
the pupil looks to the lower left,
it shows that the brain is remembering,
what is said is true.
If the other person doesn’t blink and narrate fluently,
it is most likely lying,
because lying doesn’t require a recall process.
3) When knowing and deliberately asking,
the eyebrows will be slightly raised.
4) When smiling fake,
the corners of the eyes do not have wrinkles.
5) Smirking indicates contempt.
6) Surprised, scared expressions per second,
proving to be faking.
7) The other side shows contempt for your questioning,
usually your question will be true.
8) Blinking when smiling shows that you really think about making people happy.
9) Pouting is a classic foul expression,
this subconscious behavior reveals that the liar is not confident in his words.
10) Vibrating chin indicates anger.
11) Having no expression and appearing equally important,
if the other party doesn’t change his gaze,
acting too calm,
he is most likely a master liar.
12) When the facial expressions are not symmetrical,
the person is most likely disguised as emotional.
In social communication,
what words should be said in order to attract the attention of others
and make others make a good impression on you?
If you have not understood others well before,
then you must make yourself more flexible,
in the process of communicating,
you need to carefully observe the words
and expressions of others,
seriously ponder their thoughts,
then based on their thoughts to say words
that suit their psychological needs.
With such people,
the talker cannot help but love.
Talking needs to observe facial expressions,
but how to observe,
how to do the next steps,
all must pay attention to techniques and methods:
(1) Observing others must be sharp,
but not too obvious
If we know other people’s inner psychology
and their facial expressions,
to say words that make them happy is of course very good.
But, when observing other people’s facial expressions,
we must record
Remember, your own purpose of observing others is
to say more appropriate words,
do more appropriate things,
definitely not to be observed just for the sake of observing,
especially not to stare at the other person,
like that will make things worse.
(2) Based on the opponent’s expression, quickly react
When you say the same thing over and over,
and see the other person looking dumbfounded,
“Do you still want to hear it?”
The other party said:
“You keep talking!”
At that time,
you should know that the other person is just being polite,
what you need to do is immediately stop this topic.
Knowing how to analyze facial expressions will help you become a polite,
proper person in communication,
loved by everyone.
Lesson 3: Based on the other person’s personality to talk
Ton Minh is an employee of a real estate company.
His achievements at work are very good,
making his colleagues admire him greatly.
The same building for sale,
while everyone has to work hard to broker,
for Ton Minh,
this seems quite easy,
the customers who have met him mostly want to spend money
to buy the houses that he wants to buy
Someone asked him the secret to doing this,
he replied that there was no secret at all,
just looking at the other person’s personality to talk.
At the same time,
he also told a story as an example.
“Once, I had a client who was a woman.
When she looked at the house,
she looked at her watch three times,
I immediately guessed that she was in a hurry.
The guest didn’t seem very interested in the structure of the frame,
so it was clear that she hadn’t taken a close look at the house.
I felt the need to introduce her more,
so I immediately said:
The company will be celebrating its thirtieth anniversary soon,
so offer a special price,
if you miss this opportunity,
the house price will be at least double.
At this time,
I noticed that the face of the guest had changed a bit,
I immediately took the opportunity to answer two phone calls,
telling the person on the other line
that this afternoon
I had an appointment to bring two other guests to see the house.
the customer panicked,
immediately said that he wanted to buy this house,
come and pay a deposit the next day.”
personality and professional talk are called temperament,
from a psychological perspective,
personality and temperament are two important factors constituting personality.
Personality is the psychological characteristic of a person’s stability and personality,
expressed in people’s attitude towards reality
and corresponding behavior.
Psychology divides personality type into four aspects:
1) From the perspective of psychological function,
divided into emotional type and will type.
2) From the perspective of the direction of psychological expression,
divided into introverted and extroverted types.
3) From the perspective of independence,
divided into independent type,
theoretical type and economic type.
4) From the perspective of characteristics of social activities,
divided into aesthetic type,
political type and religious type.
Temperament is a characteristic of psychological activity
and behavior patterns of people,
based on the types of people,
have divided temperament into four types below:
People with this temperament are very energetic,
full of enthusiasm,
easily and quickly angered.
They are passionate about work,
can use their enthusiasm to attract others.
But when he doesn’t get any benefits,
it’s easy to become difficult and irritable.
Flexible people quickly integrate with people,
love life, and easily switch from one activity to another.
People with this temperament do not like monotonous jobs
and are often pretentious.
When this person participates in a certain job,
it always takes time to prepare,
but cannot immediately start working.
In their behavior they are calm,
not distracted by small things.
People with anxiety are often shy,
lose their temper in new situations,
in new encounters with strangers.
They are people who do not like to communicate,
living in favor of long-lasting inner emotions.
They are also diligent and extremely careful workers.
In everyday life,
whether communicating with friends
or new acquaintances,
it is necessary to focus on certain psychological tactics.
When talking or working,
we also have to rely on each model to behave properly.
If we don’t know the personality of others,
just follow our own thoughts,
then for example,
if we meet a strict director at work,
meet a bad colleague,
meet a melancholy friend,
meet a lover terrible,
you will have a hard time getting along with them.
Therefore, in order to become a person who is trusted
and loved by others,
with people with different personalities
we need to apply different communication skills.
With sentimental people,
you definitely must not follow the other’s words to continue;
a friend confided to you that:
“Today my girlfriend doesn’t care about me!”
You say, “Your girlfriend is so mean!”
“If she really doesn’t want to be with me anymore,
what should I do?”
“Then break up!”
Check it out, you can make this guy die of boredom.
He looks for you only to complain,
to dispel the melancholy mood in his heart,
not to want bad things to happen.
At that time, you should change the topic of conversation,
to make his mood better.
For a person with a hot temper
and a rebellious personality,
you must definitely obey his words.
If he was the leader,
he would say,
“How does this plan work?” You should say:
“Please give me some advice,
I’ll be receptive” or when you say,
“We tried our best!”,
he will say,
“We tried our best but only got it.
Is this the end result?”,
you’d better apologize to him.
The hot-tempered type always wants to find a way to let go,
to vent the anger in his heart,
but it’s over,
so you need to give him a way out.
If you stop him,
he’ll probably transfer all of his frustration on you,
think about it,
is it worth it?
For someone with a rather gentle personality,
on the surface,
this type of person is recognized as a “good person”.
and responsive to requests.
But they have a downside that is very vulnerable and when hurt,
he will be extremely painful.
Therefore, when he is suffering,
you should feel his hidden pain.
You can talk to him privately,
if he doesn’t want to listen,
he will be surprised by your meticulousness
thereby trusting you even more.
For taciturn people,
they are often misunderstood by others as egotistical,
isolated in the crowd.
Maybe they are really talented
and don’t want to mix with the world,
but maybe they are self-deprecating in some way
and don’t dare to join the group.
You can express your interest in them appropriately,
slowly getting to know their inner self.
People living in solitude are more likely to wholeheartedly accept friends,
surely you won’t mind if you have one more friend!
In life, some people like noise,
others like quiet;
Some people cry,
some people laugh.
Each person’s inner personality determines the methods
and preferences they adopt when interacting with others.
when communicating with others,
we must base ourselves on the difference in the opponent’s personality
to apply the appropriate method,
make mistakes that make people hate.
So, how to do this well,
we need to focus on two aspects:
(1) Use your heart to see others
A person who makes people love,
treats people skillfully is definitely a meticulous,
This phrase is very interesting,
because if we want to be “caring”,
we must first be “meticulous”,
ie know how to pay attention to observe
and feel the personality of others,
so that we can “know the knower” me”,
like Zhuge Liang,
using a garden
without an empty house with the suspicious Sima Thien.
(2) Talk skillfully according to each person
People who are enthusiastic,
hate others around the Three Kingdoms,
it’s best to say it directly,
otherwise it will leave a bad impression,
like “trying to pretend” to the other party;
you need to lead appropriately,
let the other person talk more than you,
so that you can understand more information about the other person,
the other person will also feel that you are an interesting person;
For people with a rigid and stubborn personality,
you must not fight with stones,
but you need to be skillful at every step.
we must base on the different personalities of people
to adjust our talking method accordingly.
Lesson 4: Based on the opponent’s cultural level to talk
In today’s society,
cultural level has become one of the criteria for assessing the status,
qualities and values of each person.
For a young person who knows how to be polite and humble,
an older person will judge it
as “A kind person,
just looking at it,
knowing that it is well-educated.”
As for a person who speaks rudely and indiscriminately,
others will think in their hearts:
“He must not have graduated from elementary school!”
People with a certain level of culture will help facilitate exchanges
if the cultural differences
between the two sides are not large,
they can communicate with each other more easily,
of course that is also easy become more friendly.
the appearance of the “similarity” element of the “loving effect” in psychology
It could give people an important hint.
“Similarity” here can be understood as:
With people with the same cultural level,
similar perceptions can arise at the same time;
Through the mutual understanding between the two sides,
it is possible to shorten the psychological distance
between the two parties,
ultimately benefiting the close exchange of two people.
On the contrary,
if in communication,
both sides feel that there is a big difference in cultural level,
then communication will appear obstacles,
leading to awkwardness,
thereby affecting communication efficiency,
hindering communication for long-term relationship between the two parties.
Writer Dinh Linh in the novel The Sun Shines on the Tang Can River
described the image of a leader of the land reclamation task force.
The name of this leader is very interesting – Van Thai.
He is a university lecturer,
good at speaking.
When giving a lecture on land reclamation to people in Noan Thuy village,
he used all his knowledge, expanded the topic,
from ancient times to kim,
in and out of the country,
preaching from dusk to dawn yet full of enthusiasm.
What about the people?
Originally very interested in this new concept,
they waited below early,
but Van Thai’s lecture,
not even halfway through,
The officer gently reminded Van Thai:
“Time is up, everyone still has to work.”
Only then did Van Thai go down,
thinking that he had spoken very deeply.
When the group leader summed up,
asked the people what content they heard
and understood what land reclamation was.
As a result,
everyone was ambiguous,
no one understood what Van Thai said before.
Another law of psychology has a similar description:
People will be attracted to an individual
with certain characteristics similar to themselves
– this is also an important content in the law of attraction of psychology.
people will be attracted to each other because they are “same”,
being together will feel a lot in common
and have a sense of security,
thereby generating a feeling of dependence and closeness.
This is called the “personality mentality”,
people from the province
who meet their countrymen in other places will immediately feel close,
and even consider the other person as their “person”.
And if people have little knowledge,
lack of cultivation,
when living with people with erudite knowledge,
it will be difficult to avoid feeling unnatural,
worrying that they will make fun of,
be ridiculed by others.
Therefore, in front of crowds with different cultural levels,
we must learn to care about the feelings of others skillfully and flexibly,
based on each person’s cultural level to choose a method to talk appropriately.
For example, university lecturers
who talk to farmers or ordinary workers should not talk too much about noble morals,
limit the use of terminology,
limit the use of historical stories,
try to use words that are close to each other. friendly,
easy-to-understand common words to communicate.
As for those who have profound knowledge,
like to use literature
and words to make friends and read poetry,
you must not use sloppy,
if you don’t go.
This will leave a bad impression on people.
Try to show your multi-talented erudition,
give deep judgments and contemplations.
based on the cultural level of the exchange object that we come into contact with,
we should try to adjust and apply flexibly.
The first is to “understand”,
so that the other party can hear and understand;
the second is “like”,
so that others feel that you have a closeness like meeting a soul mate;
it is also necessary to appear “mysterious”
so that others can’t suppress their curiosity and desire to discover
and find out how erudite you are in the end.
When talking, it is necessary to consider the other’s cultural level,
do not think simply that,
talking to people with a high level of culture must study every word,
and talk to people with high cultural level.
if it’s low,
you can do whatever you want;
Even talking with people of the same cultural level,
we also need to analyze the specific situation,
so that the exchange can achieve the desired results.
(1) Combine personality traits when talking
People with different cultural backgrounds think differently,
we can base on that person’s specific situation to think of a way to “break”.
People with a high level of culture are usually sensitive,
very speculative and skeptical.
Therefore, if you want to get their cooperation,
you must stand on their perspective,
lead step by step,
but remember to keep a peaceful attitude,
the tempo is neither fast nor slow.
And people with low cultural level are often quite agitated,
when interacting with them,
you can try provocative spells or seduction spells,
letting them do your will.
(2) Combine status and status when talking
Cultural level determines the mode of communication.
Sometimes you need to combine your status
and specific circumstances to decide whether
you need to be “elegant”
or need to be “conventional”.
if your boss doesn’t like you to be smart,
you should be humble
and not show off your knowledge too much.
If you are a competitor,
when he does not know you well,
you can give him some expertise to “scare” him,
so that he knows that your strength cannot be underestimated.
Lesson 5: Based on the other person’s interests and interests to talk
If you were “installed”
as an “undercover policeman” in Journey to the West,
how would you infiltrate the crowd to get the scriptures,
how to build a good relationship with the four teachers and students?
Surely you will talk about Buddhist philosophy with Tang Tang,
talk about stealing peaches and fighting monsters with Wukong,
talking about beauties
and delicious food with the Bat Gioi….
we need to base on the other’s interests and hobbies,
see what the other person likes to talk about,
then we will say it.
interest is a special cognitive tendency of people to things,
often accompanied by positive,
positive emotions such as joy and happiness.
People who are interested in something will be especially interested,
love it, and want to feel and experience it themselves.
As you can see,
excitement is the biggest motivator.
That’s how wonderful human psychology is,
so a famous Taiwanese psychologist said:
“A person can’t talk,
it’s because he doesn’t know what kind of words the other person needs to hear.
If you are like a detective who can see through the psychological activities of the other side,
then you will know the power of communication is immense.”
If a person is interested in something,
then surely he or she will also be interested in people related to this thing,
even extremely fond of someone who has the same interests as him.
For example, in a poetry lover’s club,
poetry lovers also like to associate with poetry lovers,
or in football clubs,
football lovers gather together just for the sake of common interests.
So, in the process of social interaction,
how should we combine the interests of the other person
to say the words that make the other person happy?
From the perspective of psychology,
we can start from the following aspects:
1. Through the hobbies
and interests of the other party to lead the common topic
The law of attraction in psychology states
that people will be attracted to people who have certain characteristics with them,
including similar personalities,
We see that people who make close friends
with each other mostly have similar personalities,
have similar views;
Because of the same thoughts,
the same topic of interest,
they have a strong desire to communicate,
gradually arising emotional intimacy
and psychological dependence.
As for us, who are new to each other,
we can find out each other’s interests and hobbies,
and consider it as a starting point to break down obstacles in communication.
We should learn from successful salespeople,
see how they make customers pay for the goods they sell,
and how close they are to customers?
The first words of those salespeople will often be:
Are you from the region (North/Central/South…)?
The food (A/B/C..) in your hometown is amazing.”
“This outfit of yours is so beautiful, is it brand xx?
I like it too, just wait for it to drop in price.”,
“How old is your baby?
I wish I had a baby girl like this but I can’t.”
Experimental psychology shows that,
from a defense mechanism,
people will normally refuse requests from strangers,
even though they really need it.
However, if we aim at someone’s interest to “attack”,
it will be easy to distract their attention,
causing them to release the defensive feelings in their hearts from time to time.
To do this,
first make friends,
this shows that you are interested in discussing with the other person.
Psychology shows that
people want to interact with people who are close to and like them,
the requests you make are more easily accepted by the other party.
2. Taking advantage of the opportunity to make a request
When we ask for help from others,
we do not necessarily have to stoop to our knees,
flatter and support as we often think.
There is a saying:
“Not afraid of not having principles,
just afraid of not having hobbies.”
We want others to meet our certain requirements,
so let’s try to start with their interest.
In the office,
there are several trips abroad,
the employees really want to go.
But the head of the department,
who rarely spoke or smiled,
still kept his normal attitude as if nothing had happened.
the staff could not guess the intention of the manager,
someone invited the head of the department
to have a private meal to inquire about the situation
but was immediately refused.
Trung Kien went to the office of the head of the department,
talked all morning
and returned to the room to announce his name in this trip.
The staff were all confused,
wondering why that was the case,
Trung Kien smiled and said:
“Actually, it’s very simple.
I entered the room
and discovered on the desk of the head of the department a travel notebook,
on which there were also two train tickets to Nha Trang,
placed on the notebook.
I immediately talked about my experience of traveling to Nha Trang before,
saying Nha Trang is a very beautiful city.
As a result,
the head of the department was very interested,
so he is also a person who loves to travel,
especially wanting to go to Nha Trang for a long time.
I continued to describe the interesting sights in Nha Trang,
and also introduced to the head of the department two friends
who are fishermen working on the sea that I have known there,
who can act as guides for that tube.
Normally, the head of the department doesn’t talk much,
but this time,
when it comes to travel,
he talked a lot,
and at noon,
he even invited me to eat and talk.
I happened to mention about going abroad this time,
the manager happily promised me a spot.
I did not expect it to be so convenient.”
3. Go deep into other people’s interests,
other people say what they want
Interest is not simply understood as a hobby,
but sometimes also has to be understood as a need.
Psychology is based on object differences
that divide interest into direct interest and indirect interest.
For example, comics, novels… emotions of interest
and curiosity caused by the things themselves are called direct interest;
driving… as a result of things created is called indirect interest
(knowing foreign languages,
knowing how to drive… beneficial for job competition).
Sometimes preferences can be cut,
but needs can’t.
you want your neighbor sister A to go to a lecture with you,
but sister A doesn’t want to take the time.
“You come with me,
I will find someone to help you buy a new dress at a discount”,
maybe she still refuses to go.
But if you know that A’s child is about to take the transfer exam and say: ”
Among the guests,
there is a teacher in charge of admissions from a famous school”,
she will definitely ask you which school you are,
and will come with you to listen to that lecture.
Words are like giving gifts,
to make others happy,
actually very simple:
What you want,
I will give it,
you want to hear what I will say.
Do you want to be your boss’s best assistant?
Do you want to help your boss handle everything big
and small easily,
then you can drink and talk?
Do you want to be someone who understands others
and is trustworthy in the eyes of your friends?
Do you want to be polite
and respectful in front of your customers,
making them feel that you are honest and trustworthy?
Then start from their hobbies and interests,
say what the other person wants to hear,
say what the other person wants to say,
thereby removing their defensive mentality,
happily accepting your opinions,
I want to talk to you,
and at the same time develop feelings for you.
So, how do we discover each other’s interests and preferences?
(1) Know how to observe, pay attention to experience
Normally, when interacting with other people,
we have to pay attention to look for clues
that can reveal the other person’s interests and interests.
when you see someone’s car with a set of fishing gear neatly stacked,
talk about fishing topics,
maybe they will hit the other’s mind;
If you see a picture of your child’s child on the other person’s desk,
you can talk to them about the topic of children’s education.
(2) Seize the opportunity, directly inquire
When the time is right,
you can directly ask the other person:
“What entertainment activities do you normally like?”
you need to base on the specific situation to have a flexible way of asking.
(3) Insinuating, skillful exploration
If you feel that asking directly will make the other person wary,
you can use another method to probe.
With things that you are particularly interested in,
people will naturally express themselves,
as long as you pay attention,
you will definitely find out.
Or you can poll your opponent from the people around,
so you will get good results without much effort.