My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen quotes

1. I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. ― Woody Allen

2. Life doesn’t imitate art it imitates bad television. ― Woody Allen

3. God is silent. Now if only men would shut up. ― Woody Allen

4. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. ― Woody Allen

5. Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. ― Woody Allen

6. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. ― Woody Allen

7. The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. ― Woody Allen

8. If it turns out that there is a God…the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever. ― Woody Allen

9. It’s a match made in heaven…by a retarded angel. ― Woody Allen

10. If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative. ― Woody Allen

11. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government. ― Woody Allen

12. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ― Woody Allen

13. Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. ― Woody Allen

14. If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up. ― Woody Allen

15. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. ― Woody Allen

16. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment. ― Woody Allen

17. I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.

18. Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. ― Woody Allen

19. I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. ― Woody Allen

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20. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ― Woody Allen

21. I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social. ― Woody Allen

22. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. ― Woody Allen

23. In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. ― Woody Allen

24. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! ― Woody Allen

25. To you, I’m an atheist. To God, I’m the loyal opposition. ― Woody Allen

26. Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you’re going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus. ―  Oprah Winfrey