Habit 5: Listening To Understand And To Be Understood
July 25th
Before I want to put on someone else’s shoes,
I have to take off my own. – Noname
July 26th
“A positive mind finds a way it can be done;
a negative mind looks for all the ways it can’t be done.” — Napoleon Hill
The secret in communicating
and creating attraction for others can be summed up as follows:
“Listen to understand”.
July 27th
“The starting point of all achievement is desire.”— Napoleon Hill
Why is this habit the secret to reaching others?
It is because the deepest human need is to be understood.
Everyone wants to be respected and recognized by others.
July 28th
“Focus on the possibilities for success,
not on the potential for failure.”— Napoleon Hill
They will not reveal their weaknesses
unless they feel the sincere love
and understanding of the other person.
July 29th
“Burn the boats as you enter the island
and you will take the island.”— Napoleon Hill
Have you ever heard the saying,
“People don’t care how much you know
until they know how much you care about them”?
This is true.
If someone doesn’t listen or understand you,
do you pay attention to what they say?
July 30th
“Time is valuable, and when it is gone,
it is gone.
Time is wealth,
and unlike money,
when it is gone, you cannot replace it.” — Napoleon Hill
Listen please
When I ask you to listen to me,
You begin to advise all kinds of things
don’t listen to me.
When I ask you to listen to me,
You start pouring out arguments,
trample on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me,
You think you have to do something
to solve my problem.
You disappointed me.
Listen please,
that’s all I want.
Don’t say or do anything, just listen.
July 31st
“Start going the extra mile
and opportunity will follow you.”— Napoleon Hill
Five types of bad hearing:
Woolgathering
Pretend to listen
Listen selectively
Just listen to words
Listen subjectively
August 1st
“Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice,
and is never the result of selfishness.”— Napoleon Hill
Woolgathering
Don’t act distracted when someone is talking to you.
Maybe they’re talking about something important,
but we’re not paying attention and so we can’t hear them.
August 2nd
“Control your own mind,
and you may never be controlled by the mind of another.”— Napoleon Hill
Pretend to listen
If you don’t pay much attention
to what the other person is saying,
but also pretend to be listening attentively
by responding with filler words like: “yes”,
“huh”, “that’s cool”, “sounds great” “etc.
The speaker will eventually notice
and they will feel that their words are not worth hearing.
August 3rd
“You can be anything you want to be,
if only you believe with sufficient conviction
and act in accordance with your faith;
for whatever the mind can conceive and believe,
it can achieve.”— Napoleon Hill
Listen selectively
If you only listen to what you want to say
instead of what others want to say,
you will certainly not be able
to build lasting friendships as a result.
August 4th
“Persistence is to the character of man as carbon is to steel.”— Napoleon Hill
Just listen to words
This often happens when we just listen attentively
to what others say
but do not pay attention to the way it is said,
the feelings and what is hidden behind it.
As a result,
we will rarely touch the deepest thoughts of a person’s heart.
August 5th
Life is a mirror of your consistent thoughts.”— Napoleon Hill
Listen subjectively
That’s when we just see things from our own point of view.
The catchphrase for this type of hearing is,
“Oh, I know exactly how you feel.”
In fact, we don’t know how they’re feeling,
we just know exactly how we feel,
and we assume they feel the same way.
August 6th
“Achieve self-mastery over your thoughts,
and constantly direct them toward your goals and objectives.
Learn to focus your attention on the goals that you want to achieve
and on finding ways to achieve those goals.”— Napoleon Hill
Listen judgmentally
When we are so busy judging others,
we don’t listen to their words.
And so we missed the opportunity
to make a deposit in the relationship account with them.
August 7th
“Think twice before you speak,
because your words
and influence will plant the seed of either success
or failure in the mind of another.”— Napoleon Hill
Listen and advise
The little sister didn’t need any advice from her well-meaning brother,
no matter how good or bad it was.
She just needed to be heard.
Only when she felt she was heard would
she be ready to accept his brother’s advice.
August 8th
“Failure cannot cope with persistence.”— Napoleon Hill
Listen and explore
No one wants to be questioned.
If you ask a lot of questions and get nothing,
you are probably probing.
Sometimes people are not mentally prepared
to open up and don’t want to talk.
Learn to be a good listener at the right times.
August 9th
“It is literally true that you can succeed best
and quickest by helping others to succeed.”— Napoleon Hill
To be able to listen sincerely,
you first need to listen with your eyes,
your heart, and your ears as well.
August 10th
“A positive mental attitude is the right mental attitude.”— Napoleon Hill
To understand what others say,
you need to listen to what they are not saying.
August 11st
“You have a brain and mind of your own.
Use it, and reach your own decisions.”— Napoleon Hill
No matter how tough each person appears on the outside,
they still have delicate things inside
and have a very unique need to be understood.
August 12nd
“When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade and sell it
to all of those who get thirsty from complaining.”— Napoleon Hill
Seeing things from the other person’s point of view
also helps you to be a good listener.
“As long as you haven’t walked a mile
in someone else’s shoes,
I can’t feel the smell yet
what it really is.”- Robert Byrne
August 13rd
“Willpower and desire,
when properly combined,
make an irresistible pair.”— Napoleon Hill
Every person in this world wears a pair of different colored glasses
and no pair is the same.
August 14th
“Education comes from within;
you get it by struggle
and effort and thought.”— Napoleon Hill
If you want to improve your relationship with your mom or dad,
try listening to them as if you were listening to a friend.
August 15th
“Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.”— Napoleon Hill
If you listen and understand your parents,
two incredible things will happen.
First of all, they will respect you more.
Second, you will have more freedom in your personal decisions.
If they feel that you understand them,
they will be more willing to listen to you and will trust you more.
August 16th
“Success is good at any age,
but the sooner you find it,
the longer you will enjoy it.”— Napoleon Hill
To improve your relationship with your parents,
you can also start building trust with them.
Think about what is important for your parents to trust you.
Put yourself in
their minds and think their way.
It could be just washing the dishes
or taking out the trash,
keeping a promise to come home early for a night out…
August 17th
“The persistent man with a poor plan stands a better chance of winning
than the man with a perfect plan who hesitates and waivers in carrying it out.”— Napoleon Hill
To understand others is not difficult,
but to be understood by others is also not easy.
August 18th
“When you begin to think and grow rich,
you will observe that riches begin with a state of mind,
with definiteness of purpose,
with little or no hard work.”— Napoleon Hill
Feelings of not being able
to express themselves don’t go away.
They still live quietly in your lap
and then emerge in more awkward ways.
Either you choose to share your feelings
or they will gnaw at your heart.
August 19th
“Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality;
man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.”— Napoleon Hill
Giving feedback is also an important part of being understood.
If your best friend is having delusions,
do you think he needs honest, sensitive feedback?
Have you ever come home from a date
and discovered that there was a piece of vegetable stuck
to your teeth from this afternoon until now?
Embarrassed, you immediately recall those smiles that night.
Do you wish at that time someone would honestly tell you what happened…
August 20th
“Wise men, when in doubt whether to speak or to keep quiet,
give themselves the benefit of the doubt,
and remain silent.”— Napoleon Hill
Before you advise anyone, ask yourself:
If the motive for responding
to your opinion doesn’t correspond
to the person’s greatest concern,
then it’s probably not the time to speak.
August 21st
“Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune,
or temporary defeat.”— Napoleon Hill
Next, when giving feedback,
use the first person,
not the second person, in your sentences.
For example, you should say,
“I think you’re a bit short-tempered.”
When you use the second person,
the message becomes more threatening
because it sounds like you are imposing:
“You have a terrible temper.”
August 22nd
“No person may enjoy outstanding success without good health.”— Napoleon Hill
You have two ears but only one mouth,
so use them accordingly.
August 23rd
“The ladder of success is never crowded at the top.”— Napoleon Hill
Take a minute to reflect on how you listen:
See how long you can look at the other person while they are talking to you.
August 24th
“Remember that it is not the lawyer who knows the most law,
but the one who best prepares his case, who wins.”— Napoleon Hill
Take a minute to reflect on how you listen:
Find a chair, and see how people communicate with each other.
See what their gestures say.
“Any idea, plan,
or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought.”— Napoleon Hill
August 25th
One minute of practice for better listening:
At some point, try asking your mom or dad:
“Is the job good?”.
Open your heart and listen sincerely.
You will be surprised at its results.
When you find yourself wanting to bury your feelings,
try to resist.
Instead, be honest.
