Life lessons
Chapter 16: Always keep your dignity
“Self-esteem is the deep emotional feeling you get
from your appreciation of yourself.” – Denis Waitley
Self-esteem and pretense
During a self-esteem seminar
I was really impressed by the speech by Bill Honig,
one of the keynote speakers.
He sincerely shared with the thousands of teachers present at the seminar his concerns
about the place of self-esteem in schools.
He said he’s always been a full supporter of helping students
improve their self-esteem,
but he’s still concerned about what’s so common today,
which is creating “fake narcissism.”
A child will feel that he is a good kid
if you tell him all the time that he is good and
good whether it is true or not.
But then,
if what you praise is not true,
the child will feel down and frustrated.
Mr. Honig emphasized that
the best way to build self-esteem in children
is to give them tools that can make life more valuable,
then self-esteem will improve.
So what is self-respect?
In my opinion,
self-esteem is how you feel about yourself,
regardless of what others say.
And how we feel about ourselves has to do
with shaping our own personalities.
We can only feel good about ourselves
when we have a positive attitude and
dare to take responsibility for the things we have done,
are doing and will do.
From dependence to independence in thinking
When we were children,
our lives were dominated by older people.
We see ourselves through their comments.
We think and behave through the thoughts and desires of others.
That’s why we tend to be what others say about us.
But as we grow up,
we need to learn to think for ourselves.
We need to realize that
we have the freedom to choose how we react to the comments of others,
as Eleanor Roosevelt once said,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your acceptance”.
I’m not saying that we absolutely have to care about other people’s opinions
and that we shouldn’t let our emotions get in the way.
Sometimes we also need to hear compliments,
appreciation.
We also need close hugs and kisses.
That is not only necessary but also very important.
But we can’t just sit around
and wait for others to applaud us
before we can feel our worth.
Before someone compliments us,
we have to know how we feel about ourselves.
Then it is the praise that will confirm once again that
what we feel about ourselves is true.
What others say about us somewhat influences how we feel about ourselves,
it’s only the things we do and
the things we think that really bring about our self-esteem.
True self-esteem is the respect that
we must seek for ourselves.
True self-esteem is an outcome
– the natural outcome of the following four attitudes:
1. Be kind
– We cannot feel good about ourselves
when we are selfish or insensitive to the joys or sorrows of others.
The way we treat others is like a mirror to ourselves.
The better we treat others,
the better we feel about ourselves.
2. Be Honorable
– I’ve read studies on the combination of honesty and self-esteem.
You can understand very well what it means to be self-respecting,
but if you’re not honest
then you certainly won’t feel good about yourself.
Your honesty will affirm people’s trust in you
and respect will gradually be formed.
3. Work
– One of the “seven deadly sins of the Middle Ages was laziness.
People often call people who gossip
and refuse to work as “useless people”.
It’s hard to find self-satisfaction when you’re lazy,
avoiding work.
Always exploring, learning
and constantly accumulating experiences for ourselves is the shortest way
to help us build self-esteem.
4. Be positive
– We cannot feel good about ourselves
if our thoughts are only directed towards pessimistic,
negative things.
We must not only show our respect
and honesty in our dealings with others,
but also be proud of ourselves.
At that time, we will feel more confident in every thought,
action,
gesture
– a necessary step for your success.
