Don’t Act Like a Seller, Think Like a Buyer
Chapter 8: How To Have Good And Effective Business Relationships
The rich think that building a fortune is a collective effort.
When I ask senior managers how effective
and positive business relationships play
in the work of salespeople,
they tell me they are extremely important.
But when I asked them how to train their employees
to build relationships
with people they don’t regularly interact with,
the managers replied that they didn’t train at all.
This is what got me thinking:
if building good business relationships is so crucial,
we should have learned how to do it.
I have emphasized that salespeople
need three things to be successful:
the right mindset,
effective sales methods,
and strong business relationships.
Without those three elements,
it is difficult,
if not impossible,
to exploit the full potential of your business.
In previous chapters,
we have discussed the role of DELTA thinking
and business processes.
And since relationships play
such an important role in business,
how do you plan to build them effectively?
As a salesperson,
your work will progress if you know how to improve
and expand your network of relationships
with current
and future customers
(as well as with colleagues, managers, etc.) ,
and other characters important to your success).
If you have been constantly cultivating good relationships
with all the important people in your work,
you will surely achieve more success in your career.
On the other hand,
failure is inevitable.
When your relationships with clients,
co-workers,
or directors don’t go very well,
your business career will immediately take a hit
(not to mention your personal life).
Proactive, systematic,
and purposeful building of business relationships
is a skill that can be learned by anyone.
I’ve been training salespeople in these skills for years,
and I guarantee they’ll work.
It’s a fairly easy process to grasp,
like applying it to a loved one;
So if you have a close friend
or precious life partner,
you already know in your mind what that process entails.
Follow the process described here,
and your business
and personal relationships are sure to improve
I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times with salespeople
without I manage or consult.
Experience shows that the people
who are best at this are the ones
who take the initiative to do it.
But sadly,
most people approach relationships the other way around.
A strong and positive relationship changes the dynamics
between you and others.
When that relationship weakens,
if your client says,
“I can’t talk to you today,”
it’s likely to mean ”
I don’t want to see you anymore.”
But if your relationship is good,
the sentence “I can’t talk to you today” simply means
“I can’t talk to you today”.
You know very well that
there is no negative connotation behind that statement,
because your relationship
with the customer is going very well.
You know people don’t mean to reject you.
You also know that next week people might be willing
to spend an hour talking to you,
if necessary.
Identical words carry completely different meanings,
depending on the quality of each relationship.
If you have a good business relationship,
you will have a productive environment in which
both you and your customers feel safe sharing the truth
with each other.
“The best teachers are those who show you where to look,
but don’t tell you what to see.” –Alexandra K. Trenfor
****************
CURRENT TO THE TOP OF RELATIONSHIP
There are five levels of positive relationships
you can establish with others
We call it the Relationship Tower
because there are so many people,
millions and millions of people,
people you don’t even know your name,
that form the bottom of the pyramid;
Meanwhile, at the top of the tower
there are only a few,
far fewer people who value your relationship with you.
Going from the bottom of the tower
to the level of people
who know your name is a relatively easy job.
And the best way for people to know your name,
as you probably already know,
is to know and call them correctly.
The next level includes people
who know your name
and have feelings for you.
When you visit or are around them,
they don’t annoy you and don’t annoy you.
You are not very close to them,
but they still open the door
to allow you to get closer to them.
The third level consists of friendly people.
They are willing to talk to you
about topics other than business.
They might talk about a football game
or plan a weekend getaway.
At this level,
you
whom we meet
(except perhaps family members).
To do a good job,
you should tell yourself that you are trying your best.
If you haven’t really tried your best,
chances are you won’t feel
as respectful
of yourself as you should either.
In that case,
do what is necessary
to improve the situation.
Try to correct what you did wrong,
but don’t overreact just
because you made a mistake.
Never lie.
Try to keep your promise.
Do what you say you will,
and accept that everything you do is done.
You also need to think well of others,
even if they don’t seem very pleasant on the surface.
I remember when
I was a county manager
for a pharmaceutical company,
I had to compete with Dick McDonald,
who was also a manager in Detroit at the time.
I never wanted to touch this guy
because I thought we were two completely different people.
We differ in both our likes and dislikes.
Moreover, we are in competition with each other,
we are both district managers,
both want the highest market share in our area,
and both want to be promoted.
At the time I felt it was a natural rivalry
among colleagues in any business,
but my feeling about it must have been unhealthy.
One day, during a conversation,
my boss casually mentioned Dick McDonald.
I blurted out,
“I don’t like that Dick McDonald guy.
He’s just a silly father!”
The boss said,
“That’s an interesting look.”
He thought for a moment,
then continued,
“This is what I want you to do,
now go to Detroit and spend
a whole day with Dick McDonald.
When you get here,
I want you to give me a report on the reasons
why you have a crush on Dick McDonald.”
I said it was impossible.
He kept saying,
“I don’t care if it’s possible,
you’ll have to do it.”
Reluctantly,
I picked up the phone to call Dick McDonald,
pretending to announce that
I was going to Detroit to consult
with him on possible ways
to sell to a certain number of customers,
and I arranged a date with him.
When I was with Dick McDonald,
I discovered that we had more in common than I thought.
He also values family values (like me),
loves his friends and associates (like me),
and has a unique sense of humor.
I discovered that up
to now I had not fully appreciated his sense of humour.
I also discovered that he was a man of integrity,
integrity,
and character.
Indeed, recognizing someone’s integrity by appearance
(especially when we think that person is a bad guy) is not easy at all.
When I saw how Dick McDonald worked
and interacted with others,
I knew he was a very influential person.
Looking back at Dick’s profile,
I learned that he not only had outstanding personal achievements,
but also regularly promoted many people
who went on to become very successful leaders.
Thanks to the boss of the company
who forced me to look at Dick McDonald
with objective eyes
and tried to get rid of my prejudices,
I began to see Dick as he really was,
not as I had imagined.
By the end of the day,
I had developed a crush on Dick McDonald,
though he hadn’t changed at all.
When I got to Detroit,
I had no choice
but to try to figure out what made me like Dick.
And since then,
I have found in him things
that not only make me feel
but also admire.
Dick McDonald is no longer a bad guy in my eyes.
After that day, I felt very comfortable
when I had the opportunity
to collaborate on joint projects with Dick McDonald,
and I was also more receptive to his ideas
when we worked together.
When I left the company,
Dick was one of the few colleagues
with whom I still maintain a close relationship.
That relationship continues to this day.
This is not to say that
every time we have the right mindset,
we will find people who are ready
to respond to our relationships.
While the relationship-building
I’m describing here is highly effective most of the time,
anywhere, for most people,
not everyone is successful.
(Some potential customers are
so biased against salespeople that
they can’t recognize any genuine help,
even if it’s right in front of them.)
However, you still have the ability
to build solid business relationships,
and get rewarded,
as the following experience of Anthony Yim.
Anthony was working
for a company providing a global telecommunications network
when he received a phone call
from a religious nonprofit
with its headquarters in Italy.
The caller told him that
the organization was present all over the world,
so they were very interested
in a global telecommunications network of their own.
This person still has it
I added that he was going to New York next month
and wanted to arrange a meeting
to exchange business.
“Sales are contingent upon the attitude of the salesman,
not the attitude of the prospect.” –William Clement Stone
When we met,
the potential customer described in detail
what his organization needed.
“Suddenly I came to my senses,” said Anthony Yim,
“This could be a very big deal.”
Still, there was a problem:
the people in charge of his organization didn’t like too much change,
and so he had to convince all of them.
“The things he said about his project sounded very interesting,”
recalls Anthony,
“My company was a great fit for his intentions,
so it was almost a clear project.
But the thing is,
instead of thinking about this deal
and what we’re about to sell,
I’m absorbed in the story and its setting.
I forgot I was doing a deal,
and was obsessed with partnering
with this man
to try to create something he could sell
within his organization.
As a result, we have built a relationship
that is very different from the ones
I usually have with other clients.”
Finally, after a promising initial meeting,
the person who contacted Anthony returned to Italy.
Time past.
Anthony calls his potential clients once a month
and sends emails a few times.
Anthony decided to spend more time helping
the prospective client understand more about his company,
which was then the fourth
or fifth largest in its field.
Anthony said,
“Our company is not the kind of failed company that people turn to
when they can’t decide for themselves,
so I decided to invest the time in helping him understand
what we are who,
and what we can do.”
In addition,
Anthony decided not only
to set his company apart from others,
but also to set himself apart from others.
He asked himself,
“How am I going to do this?
Well, continue to be interested in his situation,
learn as much as you can about what he wants to do,
and provide him with information
and support when needed.”
Months passed without any tangible progress,
and Anthony began to feel suspicious.
“When people tell you
they’re having trouble getting a project going,
or aren’t sure if they’ll be able
to raise the budget,
those are ‘red’ signals.
But I still find a way to stay in touch
and ‘put my personal stamp’ on it.
For example,
I not only sent him a white paper network data strategy,
but also wrote him an entire page summarizing my thoughts on how
to improve his situation.
I hope you feel that I really care
and think a lot about your case,
and not just casually send you an email attachment for research.”
Time passes, and finally interesting things happen.
The prospect started calling
for advice on what to do next.
Up to this point,
things progressed as if Anthony’s company had become a consulting firm.
In addition, this customer also began to want
to know more about the company’s other products.
“He used to call and ask,
‘Do you think this product is necessary for us?
I think like this…’
So one idea spawned another,
and the deal that started
with just two products ended up being a deal
to buy nine products.”
Anthony finds himself working as a consultant.
He is confident that he relies on relationships
and meaningful exchanges,
making sure a contract is signed no matter what.
“The hours ordinary people waste,
extraordinary people leverage.” –Robin Sharma
Thanks to his connections,
Anthony was able to recommend many other products of the company
and was able to send others from the company
to visit potential customers in Italy.
The first phone conversation occurred in June,
and at Christmas the customer suddenly called Anthony again.
He excitedly announced that
he had received the organization’s approval
to proceed with the project.
“So suddenly I got the job done,” Anthony confided,
“I patiently invested my time.
If it had been another employee,
he would have turned away and said,
‘This guy’s not going to buy or sell.’
I’ve invested my time in cultivating a relationship with him,
helping him understand my company,
and better understand my own situation.
As the deal drew to a close,
I had to pinch myself
to make sure it wasn’t a dream.
No one had ever had such a close business relationship
with someone who had not yet become an official customer.
No one has ever sold all the products in the company’s product system
at the same time
to the same partner.
Well, no one has ever done anything like it.
Even me, since that time until now,
I have never been able to repeat that feat.”
Thus, Anthony’s way of thinking in establishing
and maintaining relationships
with customers eventually became the factor
that created great change
and brought a great brand.
huge deal for your company.
Your way of thinking
– what you think
– is the starting point for all great relationships that follow.
“Knowledge isn’t power, applied knowledge is …” – Paul Chek
****************
KEEP IN HEAD FACTS ABOUT HUMANS
To get to the top of the relationship pyramid
and build strong relationships,
you need to know how to ask questions
that ordinary salespeople rarely ask.
You need to think about things other salespeople
don’t usually think about.
Most sales people rarely pay attention
to the 13 basic things about people
that research has outlined:
1. People pay less attention to you,
your hobbies
and interests than to themselves,
their hobbies and interests.
2. Most people aspire to achieve two things in life:
success and happiness.
3. In general, everyone has a desire
to become important figures.
4. They want to be acknowledged
and appreciated.
5. They want you to listen to them with all your attention.
6. They will contact you again
if they feel you really appreciate them.
7. Most people make decisions emotionally,
but they use reason to defend them.
8. For the average person,
the amount of time one can focus their attention
on something is usually very short.
9. People with common interests have a natural empathy.
10. People often want others to understand them.
11. People tend to lean towards those who care about them.
12. Most people like to “teach” others.
13. People often turn to
people they believe can help them in some aspect of their lives.
It should be noted that
not all of the above apply to everyone;
furthermore, to different people
they may be true to varying degrees.
Many people assume that to most people,
these things are usually true,
but to themselves they don’t seem to be accurate at all.
It is clear that there are some people
(like your mother, or your partner)
who care deeply about you,
your thoughts and concerns.
But in general,
most other people are more concerned
with themselves than with you.
You will make yourself stand out
and build a good relationship
when you care about others more than you care about yourself.
In addition,
it is also important to understand
that each person has their own definition
of success and happiness.
For this person,
success means owning a nice big house or a luxury car;
to the other,
success means teachings;
and for the third person,
success means working for a non-profit organization.
But in general,
the above 13 personality traits are the fulcrum
for you to start your work.
The lesson here is
that if it’s not right for you,
it’s right for someone else.
In Winning People’s Hearts,
Dale Garnegie writes,
“In just two months,
by showing interest in others,
you will gain more than in two years just trying
to figure out how to make others care about you. ”
(1) Therefore, you must try
to understand the way other people think
I give 13 personality traits above,
the purpose is for you to know how
to think like other people think.
It should also be noted that
you can only advance in the Relationship Tower
when you have a pure,
sincere mind.
If you don’t truly appreciate other people,
don’t genuinely want to know about them
and their lives,
you will never reach the threshold
from which they begin to appreciate your relationship with you.
If you don’t genuinely care about others,
they’ll quickly see you as a hypocrite,
and as a result,
they won’t respect you
or want to have a relationship with you.
Remember that everyone has an invisible line tattooed on them:
Make me feel important.
Psychologists have all told us that the deepest desire
in human nature is to want
to be important in the eyes of others.
That is the most intense,
most pressing “abiotic hunger” of each of us.
We want to meet,
to work,
to live with people who make us see our worth.
Just make me feel important,
maybe I’ll like you.
I will listen to what you say.
I would love to buy your products.
And to make me feel important,
all you have to do is listen to me.
Just let me talk.
Don’t talk about yourself,
talk about me.
Pay attention to me.
Learn something from me.
Do something special for me.
I want to achieve something.
I want to be special,
and you can help me make that happen.
“Selling is really about having conversations with people
and helping improve their company or their life.” –Lori Richardson
***************
KNOW QUESTIONS RIGHT
As I mentioned in Chapter 5,
you need to ask questions
to make sure your product
or service is the right fit
for your customer’s needs.
You also need to ask questions
to find out what people value most,
and that’s Step 2 in the relationship-building process.
When you find out what other people value,
you are building business relationship.
I have noticed salespeople who,
even though they agree with what I say,
still don’t know how to ask the right questions.
The purpose of questioning is
to uncover common ground
– mutual friends,
acquaintances,
common interests,
common concerns.
If you see nothing in common,
and the other person is
only interested in things you know very little about,
then you need to learn those things from that person.
Most of us find ourselves interesting
(even those who consider themselves boring)
and are happy when others find us interesting.
Most of us have stories of our own experiences
and would love to share them
– stories of our successes or failures
– but very few of us have the opportunity
to find good listeners.
If you know how to ask open-ended questions
and appear to be a good listener
– it can’t be faked
– you’re bound to build solid business relationships.
However, until you know
what the other person values most
and process the information in a way
that shows you care about it,
the third step in the process,
you’re at a dead end.
People can be quite friendly,
but that’s not enough.
They don’t share their concerns with you.
They don’t listen to you the way people
who know and trust you do.
By their very nature,
business relationships are often more difficult
to initiate than personal relationships.
When you meet someone in private,
you and that person usually have some things in common.
Maybe two people have the same interests,
the same political views,
the same beliefs.
It is also possible
that you both live in the same neighborhood,
attend the same church,
or be invited to the same party.
But in your work,
when you meet someone,
you often don’t know
if you have anything in common with that person.
You don’t know the criteria of the company the person represents.
You walk into a meeting
with your mind like a blank sheet of paper,
and you have to go through all your doubts
and doubts to find the human factors that bring you
and those people together.
Therefore, finding out what is important
to others must be the focus,
and learning it from themselves is essential.
When someone is willing to communicate directly with you,
that’s when a dynamic begins to emerge
and accelerate the relationship between the two.
That’s why the raw information you get
from a trade magazine,
from gossip,
or even from a potential customer’s best friend
is not as important
as the information you hear
from them spoken by his own mouth.
It’s the self-talk that makes the difference.
During the training sessions,
when I was doing exercises on the technique
of opening a conversation,
I noticed that everyone talked about me very enthusiastically.
They laughed and joked
and exchanged freely.
The encouragement that comes
when two people have a conversation is far more important
than simply knowing someone loves golf
or graduated from Virginia Military Institute (VMI).
Use questions like the following
to generate those positive sentiments:
° What do you usually do in your free time?
° Which school did you attend
(and why did you choose it)?
° Where did you grow up,
what was it like to grow up there?
° How was your high school?
° When you have time,
what kind of books do you usually read?
° How did you decide on a career
(no matter what the person does.)
° Tell me about your family.
° Where do you like to go on vacation the most?
° Is there a type of vacation that you really like but haven’t gone yet?
° Do you have time to join any social organizations?
° Do you play any sports?
° If you were given a ticket to a certain show,
what program would it be?
° Why did you decide to live here?
° What do you really want to do
but don’t have enough time to do?
° Tell me something about you that will surprise me.
These questions are the way to start a conversation,
and the answers may
– or certainly
– lead you to other questions.
Note that, like other good questions,
designed to extract information,
the questions above are suggestive in nature.
Either answer is correct,
because the main purpose is
to provide an opportunity
for others to express themselves.
And when people talk to you,
you have the opportunity to discover what
is really important to them,
and if there are any common interests
between you and them.
At this point, you shouldn’t be asking about the customer’s job,
designing products
or finding technical solutions to their problems,
even if that’s part of the sales process.
At this point we can’t expect
to have a new friend either,
although it is very likely to happen.
What’s important here is
to start a business relationship,
and do it that in a fun way.
Some people you meet
while working may not feel comfortable talking about anything personal.
But that’s okay,
you can tell by their reaction:
they usually just want
to talk about technical matters.
To successfully build a business relationship,
again,
you need to know what is most important
to the person you’re talking to.
You can open up by asking good questions
and listening actively
and attentively.
Question “What do you usually do in your spare time?”
much more effective than
“Do you have any pastimes?”
The first reason is that
many people have no pastime at all,
or if they do,
they don’t call it a hobby.
The second reason is that
when not working,
everyone is doing something.
(And if people tell you they’re always busy
with their work,
that admission means a lot.)
What they do in their spare time can give you a glimpse
of how they feel about their work.
They hate work,
see work only as a means
to nurture other activities
that are not within the scope of work;
Or they love their work
and may one day run an entire company.
Their after-school activities also speak
to their family life,
social relationships,
and even their ambitions.
If you’re sure the person went to college,
you can ask,
“Which university did you go to
and why did you choose it?”
If you don’t know if people have attended college,
you can ask,
“Where did you go to school before?”
People who went
to college will usually tell you the name of the school.
But if you’re not sure,
don’t be so quick to guess that people go to college,
especially those who are overly sensitive
to the fact that they’ve never been to college.
You should pay attention not only
to things that are about to happen,
but also to things that have just happened.
If your client just spent two weeks on vacation in Bali,
this is your chance
to ask about the trip
(and learn more about Bali).
Why did you choose to go to Bali?
What do you like most about Bali?
Are you going back there?
You should listen attentively
so that you can continue
to ask relevant questions.
Brainstorm and organize the questions,
but don’t write them down.
Don’t think, okay,
what’s the next question?…
you should listen actively to what people are saying.
Questions like the ones I suggest here are designed
to keep others open.
And once the person starts talking,
you need to do two basic things:
a genuine interest
and a natural curiosity about the other person.
If you are genuinely interested and naturally curious,
the next questions will come easily to you.
Remember, even if you already have information,
you still need to ask to give people a chance to speak.
There’s a boost to the interaction,
when people tell you what they like.
That encouragement will make people like you more
and will see you in a different light,
because when you encourage them
to talk about themselves
you help them feel more in love with themselves.
When you ask questions,
you are learning about the activities,
dreams, and goals that people cherish.
If you encourage people
to talk about the values they hold dear,
whether personal or professional,
you’ve already begun
to build a positive business relationship.
But again, please remember,
do not subjectively predict
or assume that you can infer what they value.
Ask questions that will help you be sure
what people consider important,
both in their personal
and professional lives.
For work, you might want to know what your clients
and their companies are trying to achieve.
Here are some job-related questions:
° Do you have any difficulties in your work
that I or my company can help you with?
° What is the biggest problem at your current job?
° In your opinion,
what qualities should a senior sales representative have?
° If all jobs paid the same salary,
and you could start from scratch,
what would you do?
If you know the other person well,
they will tell you almost everything.
I sometimes ask clients how other people rate their work.
If they are criticized in an area
where you can contribute,
you can certainly help them do their part better,
and it will also benefit you.
Summarize the information you gather
from the questions to include in the meeting,
creating momentum to build a relationship.
If I know that the other person’s company is planning to expand,
I can recommend equipment suppliers,
candidates for job positions,
or other possible sources of production loans.
To know what is important to others,
you must ask the right questions.
There are hundreds of questions you can ask,
and once people start
to answer what is important,
you have to immediately think of other questions.
Similarly,
once people have shown you what they value most,
you can plan thoughtful
and impartial actions
to show that the person is important to you.
***************
WHAT YOU MAKE A MOTHER
The third factor in building a strong business relationship
is what you actually do.
Business relationships are not built on thinking
or on mere information,
but on action.
People judge us by our actions that are consistent,
decisive,
and logical,
and by that come to a conclusion what kind of person we are.
That’s why everything you do
and all the relationships you have is so important.
When and only
when your series of decisive,
logical,
and consistent actions shows people
that you are the person they need a relationship with,
can you climb to the top
of the relationship pyramid with them.
Good relationships only exist
when people trust you
and feel close to you.
Therefore,
your goal when establishing business relationships is
to make your customers
and potential customers feel close
to you and trust you.
To win their trust,
you must show them professionalism,
integrity,
dedication to your work,
as well as your knowledge
(PICK-professionalism,
integrity, caring, knowledge).
Professionalism is reflected in the way
you do what has to be done.
Those are the skills, abilities,
and character that people would expect of you,
if you’re really the kind of person
who knows how to do your job well.
Having integrity means possessing
and upholding high ethical principles,
or professional standards,
or both.
Knowledge comes from what you know
and how you share it with others.
Professionalism or expertise,
integrity
or work ethic,
and knowledge are characteristics
that vary according to the nature of the job.
An engineer,
a pharmaceutical agent,
or an accountant may have different types of knowledge,
expertise,
and work ethic.
But dedication to work,
by contrast,
is not unique to any profession.
If your actions demonstrate
that you are truly dedicated to your job,
it’s not just about the level of expertise
or requirements people put you on the job.
When you demonstrate your dedication,
you will draw others closer to you,
and if at the same time you demonstrate your expertise,
work ethic, and knowledge,
you’ve done everything,
to be able to build relationships.
You will have to demonstrate enthusiasm
and concern for others
by taking unexpected,
inexpensive but well-thought-out actions,
based on the information people have shared with you.
When you show people,
not once but many times,
that you care about them
– their feelings, aspirations, and dreams
– you show that you are a caring person.
Your actions say something very important:
you listened to them,
and they matter to you.
It also shows
that you are not like most other business people;
And that’s always a big goal.
However, to build a relationship,
just knowing about the values that
the partner values is not enough.
Asking questions only gives you information.
To truly develop a relationship,
you must act on that information,
both physically and with your own actions.
I don’t mean the traditional “business gifts” here like golf balls,
pens, pocket watches
or coffee mugs
with company logos on them.
I also don’t mean dinner parties,
after-golf treats,
or weekend getaways.
But as a generous businessman
(which may well be the practice in your company),
there are times
when you want
to give your customers a relatively expensive gift,
but they,
for various reasons,
Due to law
or company policy,
cannot accept.
If in doubt, check with human resources
(or a company attorney).
Since the people you want to do business
with are also individual individuals,
I can’t list you the surefire things you can do for them.
I could give some principles and examples,
but since every human being is a world of its own,
I cannot make an overarching suggestion.
Building strong business relationships
requires you to be nimble
at both the information people tell you
and the opportunities
to show you’re listening.
Here are some initial suggestions
to help you show your clients
or potential customers that you value them.
Remember important dates,
names,
people,
places,
important events,
goals,
special interests,
names of schools they attended,
favorite foods
most, and many more.
For different individuals,
important dates are also different,
but as a general rule for most people the important dates that
they always remember are birthdays
or wedding anniversaries.
Other important dates can be the founding date of the company,
the new day in the company,
the day of receiving the university diploma
or any other meaningful day that repeats once a year in life.
Once you’ve determined
which day is important,
mark it on a calendar,
and then when that day comes,
do something about it.
You can do this with a phone call,
a greeting card,
a cake, a special meal,
but it doesn’t have to be expensive.
If you know that the person likes
to have his birthday known to more people,
let everyone involved know that the day is coming.
Important names include the names of children,
spouses,
and relatives.
For most of us,
few things in the world are more important than our children.
Every time you work with someone,
be sure to ask about their children
to find out how old they are,
what grade they are in,
what sports they like to play,
and what other activities they have.
Find out what interests they have,
some of which are similar to your children’s,
or even yours,
your spouse’s.
And one more thing
– a very important thing
– is to write it down so you don’t forget it.
Here’s a story about John,
my finance officer:
One Saturday in mid-December,
I was in a bakery with my four-year-old son
when the phone rang.
John called.
He asked what I was doing.
I said I just finished lunch.
He asked me again if my boy had taken a picture with Santa.
I said not yet.
John said that we should go to a furniture store
with a close friend of his.
This friend invited a Santa Claus
to her store one Saturday during the Christmas season,
and invited her customers
and their children
to visit Santa for a photo shoot.
It’s not the usual type of photography,
John said,
like the kind of people standing in line to take pictures
with Santa in the street like every year.
This time it will be Santa Claus sitting in a large armchair,
and there will be no more than two children waiting for their turn.
Each child can sit with Santa for 15 minutes if he likes.
Photographers will take pictures,
and it’s free.
John said again,
“This invited guy is exactly like Santa Claus.
There is no one here.
If you want him to meet Santa
and take a good photo,
come right away,
because this guy is only here until 3:30.”
I immediately picked up my wife
and drove straight to the furniture store.
My little boy had a good time that day,
and we went home with a great photo.
To this day
I still see it as an example of something unexpected,
inexpensive but full of emotion.
It showed me John was a caring person,
and that made me want to work with him even more.
With a personal digital assistant (PDA),
accessing and retrieving information of this kind is so easy.
When you talk to a client,
ask about Luke, Jennifer,
or his fashion model niece.
Or if you know a client
or colleague’s children are involved in an activity,
such as soccer,
drama,
dancing…
and if your schedule allows,
be sure to come and see;
If you can always participate in those activities,
even better.
When my daughter was young,
I gave her softball training,
partly for her sake,
and partly
because one of my biggest clients teaches girls softball.
It was an opportunity for me to interact
with him outside of work,
and so we became close friends.
When we talk about special interests,
we often talk about lifestyles,
activities,
and hobbies.
Someone’s lifestyle encompasses a wide range of concepts,
such as a vegetarian diet,
involvement in social causes
(volunteer active in religious activities
or in charitable organizations),
participation in participate in environmental protection activities
(use fuel-efficient vehicles
or only buy natural clean vegetables,
do not use pesticides
or chemical fertilizers in the farming process).
Even working a lifetime
without rest is called a way of life.
The concept of activities here includes sports
and recreational activities such as golf,
tennis,
basketball,
walking,
hunting,
gardening,
carpentry,
gaming,
painting,
photography,
collecting stamps and coins…
The list could be long,
very long.
Hobbies here can include things like:
following the stock market,
international news,
local politics,
reading books and movies,
studying astronomy,
watching plays,
football,
soccer.
This list is longer than any individual’s list of activities,
because normally most people have at least one
interests rather than activities they actually participate in.
Once you know someone’s special interests,
you will become sensitive
to articles published in newspapers
or magazines related to these issues.
According to general experience,
relevant information almost always comes unexpectedly
and inexpensively.
Cut and send them an article about
a newly discovered mystery,
about the benefits of tofu,
or the story of a certain religious structure.
The Internet makes it easier
for you to submit articles
and website addresses
that may be of particular interest to that person.
If you have the same interests as your customers
or potential customers,
even better.
If the other person’s interest is not on your list of interests,
consider this as an opportunity
for you to learn about it.
Think of people who might be important
to the customer or prospect.
Those important people can be influential figures in the industry,
famous managers,
or they can be very ordinary people
but have a certain meaning to that customer.
Do you know anyone who can help your client
or potential customer?
If the character has appeared in books,
send the customer a copy with his or her information.
If the character is local and accessible,
arrange a meeting for coffee,
beer, or dinner.
Help your customers reach the people they think are important.
What about the goals
they want to achieve in their careers
and in their personal lives?
Look for commonalities
between your personal goals
and that of your partner.
Suppose you know a female client
who loves to run a marathon,
and you are not ready,
or can’t,
run a marathon;
but no one is stopping you from being there
when she’s in the race if you want to.
Let’s say you know someone who likes
to have a Japanese garden.
You can give hints and small tips.
If you know other people’s personal goals,
you can bring them up in conversation,
be there to share when they achieve them,
and find some similarities
between yours and yours of that person.
Important events in a person’s life can include national holidays
or festivals such as Thanksgiving,
Christmas, New Year…
Also can include occasions like marriage,
promotion day office,
the day a family member dies.
In particular,
with this date that I have just mentioned last,
you must be very careful,
because people tend to refuse contact
when something unpleasant happens in their life,
like when you are seriously ill,
someone has an accident at home,
or a major business downturn is taking place.
Often, however,
a gesture of deep concern in times
of grief can have a tremendous effect.
Show that you always remember their special events,
be it with a handwritten message
or an email,
a fax,
a phone call or a postcard.
Write a few lines that say “Always thinking of you.”
Remember, our customers
or colleagues may be very different
from us in terms of holidays,
customs or history.
For me personally,
building and developing relationships
with people whose experiences are vastly different
from mine has turned out
to be easier than with people
who have a lot in common with me.
I often say,
“Forget my ignorance.”
I confess that I know very little about Buddhism,
Guy Fawkes,
or the secrets of a long life.
But it’s okay to learn.
Most people like to share ideas
and experiences that they consider important.
What can you do
when you know the other person’s favorite foods are Japanese,
Indian or Mexican food?
If someone loved chocolate sprinkles,
smoked salmon,
or Danish wedding cake,
what would you do?
Just recommend them to some new,
clean restaurants you know in the area they’re going to visit.
You can also find books that
teach them how to cook their favorite foods.
Share recipes with them.
The key point is how to get to know other people.
And once you’ve grasped the important things about them,
keep them in mind.
I usually take notes on paper,
and others use PDAs, computers…
You can use whatever you like,
it doesn’t matter;
The important thing is that none of us has a memory good enough
to remember everything
without having to store the information somewhere.
If you had a client or co-worker
who saw college as a milestone in their lives,
how would you process that information?
(Probably not in any way
if you don’t remember
or have no means of recalling).
For a time, I lived in Charlotteville,
where the University of Virginia is located.
One of my clients at the time was Charlie Miller,
a very enthusiastic alumnus of this school.
Charlie Miller lives in Elkto
Virginia, 90km from the school.
That year,
the University of Virginia won the National Baseball Championship Prep.
The local press devoted a special page
to the match and the team.
I remember that time,
after I finished reading the newspaper,
I walked over to the trash can to throw it away,
but in my mind I kept thinking,
“There is definitely a client of mine
who wants to read this article…
but who is it? huh?”
Then I suddenly remembered Charlie Miller.
So I wrote him a note:
“Dear Dr. Miller,
I thought you enjoyed reading this article,”
taped it on the paper,
and sent it to him.
Two weeks later,
when I had the opportunity to go to Elkton,
he welcomed me like a close relative,
and he placed orders
as if I were his only supplier.
We had a pretty good relationship before that,
and that’s how I learned that
he was an ardent supporter of the University of Virginia.
But the events of that Saturday took our relationship
to the next level.
If you work for a national commercial organization,
and if one of your clients
still remembers your days at Notre Dame,
Notre Dame football,
or the University of Texas or Ohio State,
you can easily call the representative of the South Bend in Indiana,
the Austin newspaper in Texas,
or the Columbus newspaper in Ohio and say,
“Send me the Sunday issue. ”
The Sunday newspaper always has articles
about Saturday’s matches.
It costs you about two dollars a newspaper,
only if you live in Boise you probably can’t subscribe
to the Sunday South Bend.
You can also give people some small school supplies.
If you know someone
who also graduated from that school,
you can invite them to lunch
or attend a special occasion.
Get information from them to advise the children of colleagues
or clients who wish to enroll in that school.
“Does Collin want to go to the University of Virginia?
In my opinion,
you should ask Dr. Charlie Miller.
And if you need it,
I can help too.”
There are some people
who like to go on vacation every year
to the same place,
but there are also people who like
to go to a different place every year.
Some people stick with the place
where they were born and raised.
Some people are thinking about retirement.
If you know that something is important,
and why is it important to a client
or potential customer,
what can you do?
Cut and send them newspaper articles about the countryside or the city.
Spend a little time browsing the Internet
and sending out information about the places,
restaurants,
and activities.
In general,
if you know a country,
a district, a city that has things that people like,
just recommend it to them.
Doing something unexpected,
meaningful,
and inexpensive doesn’t always give you immediate results.
In fact, most of the time it doesn’t yield any results.
However, it is still the right thing to do.
Not every seed you sow will germinate
and grow into a tree,
but if you want vegetables to eat,
you still have to plant seeds.
And the more seeds you sow,
the more likely you are
to enjoy delicious fruits and vegetables someday.
“You will get all you want in life,
if you help enough other people get what they want.” –Zig Ziglar
*******************
SET RELATIONSHIP MAP AND JUMP THROUGH THE RELATIONSHIP
Establishing a relationship map,
in simple words,
means making a list of people
with whom you need to initiate a relationship.
You need to map carefully,
soberly,
and strategically with the following four groups of people:
“You earn the right to tell your story,
when you start with theirs.” –Matt Heinz
1. People in the same organization who influence your success:
These people can be customer service representatives,
warehouse managers,
people working in the finance department… generally speaking everyone
who can make your job either easier,
or becomes deadlocked.
This team should be diverse,
not just from business,
accounting
or engineering peers,
but from many different parts of the organization.
In many cases,
we are forced
to build relationships of this kind remotely.
Maybe you live in Portland, Oregon,
but your headquarters are in Detroit.
How do you know that
the people you put on the list are the right people?
Then how can you build a relationship
with them in such a spatial distance?
Most people still use email,
phone or voicemail,
but those means aren’t always the most effective ways
to communicate.
The most effective messages are those
in which words are delivered
with your own facial expressions and gestures.
That explains why in-person speakers are more impressive than
when they appear on television,
and the visuals on television are more persuasive
than the voices on the radio.
Every time you use email
or voicemail,
you degrade the quality of communication
because the recipient of the message cannot see you directly,
cannot see your beautiful facial expressions in your eyes.
Perhaps the best way
to build relationships remotely is
to take advantage of meetings,
conferences, and trade shows.
Before having such meetings,
you should make a list of the people you want to know better,
and plan in advance to promote relationships
when you meet them.
Plan to invite them over for breakfast,
lunch,
or dinner.
Don’t just sit with those above you.
That’s what most other people would do;
As for you, you’re trying to be unique,
remember that.
“Buyers don’t believe anything you have to say
to them about your product or service
until they first believe in you.” –Deb Calvert
***************
2. For people who aren’t in the same organization
but are important to your work:
Sometimes it’s obvious who the prospect is.
But in a complex business,
that identification is not necessarily easy.
Therefore, it is necessary
to establish a relationship map with all those involved.
“If you can’t explain it simply,
you don’t understand it well enough.” –Albert Einstein
***************
3. The people who are important to the success or failure of your career:
That is your direct boss,
the human resources director,
the company advisor
and other important figures in the business.
You need to be in regular contact
and on good terms with these people,
if they help you foresee a future opportunity
or help you get one.
The people who are important
to you can also be people outside the company,
like your coaches,
friends,
or your spouse.
These are people who are willing
to share their knowledge and experiences,
ready to tell you if they think you’re making a mistake,
or to offer suggestions you haven’t thought of.
“You don’t close a sale;
you open a relationship if you want to build a long-term,
successful enterprise.” –Patricia Fripp
***************
4. People with whom you need to mend relationships:
In general, in business,
people in this group are usually the people
who had prospects to become customers,
or the old customers that someone in the business
in your company did something that alienated them.
Few of us dare intentionally offend our customers.
But many of us discover that
there are times when,
unintentionally,
we have angered a client,
and in that case we must find a way
to correct the mistake.
One of the keys to business success is knowing
when to recognize mistakes and find ways
to mend the relationship to continue doing business.
Customer frustration may not be on a personal level.
Customers may feel frustrated
because the product we deliver
to them is not of the quality as described;
or due to competitive pressure,
sometimes we have behaved not according to their wishes,
or because competitors have played bad,
discrediting us in front of them.
It is also possible that someone in the company previously promised
to provide them with an item,
but did not fulfill the promise.
It is interesting
when I ask my training participants,
“Who do you need to have relationships
with in the company to be more successful?”
then the answer for the most part
is no more than an obvious fact:
The boss, and the boss’s boss.
They never think through every aspect of the question.
They don’t know that the person in charge
of human resources also makes key decisions,
and they don’t know
that if they want to get into marketing,
they must have a good relationship
with the production manager.
You need to regularly enlist more supporters,
and the only way to do this is
to have a comprehensive relationship map.
Also, when you’re setting up your relationship chart,
be sure to share it
with your departmental supervisor.
You and your manager need
to agree on who should be on the chart.
A well-meaning supervisor will rarely shrink your list,
but instead add one
or more people you haven’t thought of.
Furthermore,
he will also help you build these relationships.
Mapping and jumping the Relationship Tower are two concepts
that can make a big difference in your life.
It takes you from a passive to an active customer approach.
You can only reach your customers proactively
and effectively when you know how
to build a relationship map
and climb to the top of the tower.
Jumping the Relationship Tower is about continuing
to pursue relationships
by elevating your existing relationships
with the people in your Relationship Tower.
It’s a tight system,
not merely establishing a link,
but establishing a good link.
The power of connections is
where you are in the other person’s Relationship Pyramid.
Jumping the Relationship Tower,
you’ll also increase your effectiveness,
as you’ll already be able to reach people
who are more beneficial to you.
With the help of someone we know we are actively doing things
that most of us usually do unconsciously.
But to do this,
we need to know
who is in the Other’s Relationship Pyramid.
When my friend asked me
if I knew a good plumber
and I recommended him a reliable plumber,
I was helping him.
That plumber jumps from our Relationship Tower
to a friend’s Relationship Tower.
When someone introduces you to others as trustworthy,
you jump from one Relationship Tower to another.
Most of us have,
to some extent, done this Tower jump,
but now we can develop the skills
to do it more effectively.
The concept of jumping the Relationship Tower,
in the usual sense,
is not synonymous with the concept
of network expansion.
Networking is handing out a lot of business cards
at a business meeting.
Networking occurs
when people post their information on sites like Friends,
MySpace,
Facebook, or register their own website
with the LinkedIn corporation.
Back then there was a job search site
on a website called SimplyHired
that applied what I described
about jumping the Relationship Tower here.
SimlyHired links to LinkedIn so its users can click
on the “Who Do I Know?” dialog box,
above each job listing.
When you click on it,
LinkedIn will scour the network it uses
to filter out people you know at the company you’re hiring for,
or let you know if LinkedIn knows anyone
who indirectly knows someone at the company
you’re hiring for need to hire staff
(provided you’ve signed up for an account at LinkedIn).
I’d suggest a more personal Tower-jumping,
but this is a technical solution,
though,
better than nothing.
People often email me,
and with their resume is often asked
if I can help them find a job.
They want me to pass their resume to someone.
But this is still not the Tower of Relationship jumping.
The “jumping” or moving back and forth
between the relationship pyramids happens only
as you step up the process of approaching that new relationship.
So, if someone knows me well enough to send me a resume,
that person can also call me and say,
“I’m looking for a job.
Here’s my story…
Can you recommend someone in the pharmaceutical industry
who is looking for a job in Texas?”
I can tell her the name of someone I know.
Then she can politely ask,
“How do you think I should contact this person?
Or if you don’t mind, could you contact me?”
I prefer making phone calls to emailing.
If someone asks me to transfer my resume,
I’d be happy to help them,
but the chances of connecting
that way are usually not very good.
If you ask me to help you jump from my Relationship Tower
to someone else’s Relationship Tower,
I’ll help you do it
– you’re in my Relationship Tower.
I will always recommend people at the top
of the relationship pyramid,
if required.
If a sales manager knows that I have many connections,
she can ask me to help recommend a salesperson,
and I will refer her to a person
(or maybe two or three people)
at a higher level at
or near the top of my Relationship Tower.
And depending on the context,
the referrer doesn’t necessarily have to
be at the top of the Relationship Tower.
I can recommend a skilled mechanic
or a good accountant
who doesn’t value a relationship with me personally.
Even if you’re not at the top of someone’s Relationship Pyramid,
that person will still be happy
to recommend you to others,
as long as they know they’re not in danger
of being misinterpreted as evil mean,
or stupid.
That’s the problem you need to clear up.
Who would recommend an inexperienced mechanic,
or a treacherous salesman who likes to stab in the back?
You may not be at the top of my relationship pyramid,
but if you’re capable
and I’m sure you won’t cause me any trouble,
I’ll still recommend you.
The problem here is how to know
who occupies the top position in the Relationship Pyramid of others.
So you have to ask.
Who do you know?
In the past six months have you been in contact
with anyone that you think I need to know about?
Please give an example.
I was talking to a very nice client recently,
and I asked him if he knew anyone
who was running a large advertising agency.
He gave me a name.
I asked him again if he could introduce me to this person.
He replied, “Very well.”
The next day,
he emailed the head of an advertising agency,
introduced me,
and said we needed to meet.
I emailed again,
the man sent me another email,
and then we arranged a phone call.
If I hadn’t asked my client if he knew anyone
who ran a large advertising agency,
I would never have jumped
from the client’s Relationship Tower to the leader’s.
And my client will never give me information,
because he has no idea who I need to contact.
That’s how effective “jumping the relationship tower” is.
“It’s not what you look at that matters,
it’s what you see.” –Henry David Thoreau
**************
ACT SLOWLY
Actions over time will automatically
they speak of your sincerity and good nature,
they will help distinguish you from other salespeople.
But you have to do those actions very persistently.
You can’t do something once
and expect immediate results.
Taking actions that need to be surprising,
but deliberate,
and inexpensive,
over such a long period of time shows the way you do your job,
the person you are.
Unexpected,
deliberate,
and inexpensive actions will say for you,
“I’ve always thought of you…
You’re so important to me…
I’m not like everyone else you’ve ever been met in my business life…”
Positive business relationships are based on actions.
Unexpected but deliberate
and inexpensive actions will let people know
who you are and how you treat others.
It’s inexpensive,
but you can’t always avoid spending a lot of money.
However, how to save money is still the best.
I have a friend who owns a newspaper.
She was very upset
with some of her sales staff,
because the advertising service was not up to expectations.
One of the newspaper employees is working
with a store in Arizona
to convince the store to become his customer.
This representative regularly visits the store,
distributes newspapers and speaks to whoever
is there when she comes,
but has never met the owner.
Meanwhile, the newspaper owner always hopes that
“They must be on our advertising page.
We’ve been there too long.
They have to advertise.”
Then by chance one of the editors of that newspaper enrolled
in our training class.
When she understood the importance of building relationships,
she immediately realized
that the newspaper would never convince the store owner
until it knew how to become an advertising agency.
Amazingly, it turned out
that the newspaper had no reason to complain,
since until then it had not been allowed
to inquire into the business
of the other merchant.
It has not established any relationship yet.
The editor shared this thought with a news representative
who was sent to work with the agency
and rebuild the business plan.
Once again, the news agent put all her efforts
into reaching the agency owner,
and once she did,
she worked hard to build a relationship.
Since then, the prospect of selling
the ad has also begun to expand.
President Abraham Lincoln once said,
“If you want to convince a man
to follow your cause,
you must first convince him that you are a true friend.”
A lot of times we are so focused on our goals that
we forget to pay attention
to the goals of our customers
or potential customers.
As I have emphasized many times in this book,
having the right mindset,
an effective sales process,
and valuable relationships leads
to great advantages in business.
But there is still one last sticking point
that I need to address,
because having good sales skills
without opportunity is like a road
to the death of a salesperson.
The rich see each dollar as a “seed”
that can be planted to reap hundreds of dollars more,
which can then be planted to reap thousands more. – T. Harv Eker
