Winning human heart!
Chapter 17: Put yourself in someone else’s situation
A person can be completely wrong
but usually never admit to being wrong.
So we shouldn’t condemn them because it doesn’t work!
Instead, we can seek to understand them.
Only extraordinary,
wise and tolerant people can follow this path.
There’s always a reason people act and think the way they live.
If you work hard to find out,
you will grasp the key that governs his thoughts,
actions,
and personality.
Honestly put yourself in that person’s shoes.
If you tell yourself,
“How would I feel,
how would I react if I were in that person’s situation?”,
you will save time and avoid frustration,
because Once you understand the cause,
you will no longer question the outcome.
Moreover,
you will have more strength
and ingenuity in solving those problems.
Kenneth M. Goode writes in How to Turn People Into Gold:
“Stop for a minute and reflect on
how deeply you care about your own business
and are indifferent to everything in the world.
Then you will understand that everyone is like that!
That way you have the only solid foundation
for social relationships,
that to succeed,
you have
to understand the other person’s point of view.”
Sam Douglas of Hempstead, New York,
often blames his wife for spending so much time tending the flowerbed,
weeding and fertilizing,
but it hasn’t gotten any better after four years.
Of course,
the wife was annoyed by this comment.
And every time he made such remarks,
the family’s peaceful evening was disrupted.
After attending our class, Mr. Douglas realized
how many years he had maintained an ill-advised attitude.
He never thought that his wife would enjoy doing it
and she really wanted a compliment for her hard work.
One day, after lunch, the wife wanted
to go to the garden to weed and asked him to join.
At first he refused, but then thinking back,
he followed her into the garden and began to help her weed.
The wife was clearly delighted.
The two of them were gardening
while chatting very interestingly.
Since then, he often helps his wife with the garden
and praises her for taking care of the beautiful flower beds,
commending her for her efforts
when working with an unspoiled garden.
As a result, happy flowers bloomed in their marital garden.
Simply because he had learned to see things from his wife’s point of view,
even though it was only a matter of grass.
In Getting Through to People, Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg writes:
“To achieve consensus in communication,
you must value the opinions
and feelings of the interlocutor.
Both sides must clearly know
what they are talking about and where it will lead.
Put yourself in the position of the listener
to see what you want to hear,
they will talk about it.
This will make it easier for your audience to accept your opinion.”
I would love to go for a walk
or ride a horse in the woods next to my house.
But this familiar forest,
especially the oak trees that I love,
always have to be the bait for accidental fires.
This fire was not caused by negligent smokers,
but most of it was caused by picnic boys
who cooked under a thick canopy of fallen leaves.
There have been so many fires
that the authorities had to send firefighters to help.
There was a sign on the edge of the forest warning
that anyone who lit a fire could be fined or imprisoned,
but it was placed in a place
where few people would notice.
The person in charge of looking
after the forest is a careless person.
Once, I ran to tell him that a fire was spreading rapidly in the forest
so he could report it to the forest fire department,
but he lazily replied that the fire was not his responsibility
and the fire was not his fault.
The fire is also not in the area under his management.
So the fear of forest fires kept haunting me.
Every time I see the children making a cooking fire there,
I get extremely nervous.
I often run to warn them,
threaten them with jail time.
Then I commanded them
with my authority to put out the fire.
If they refused,
I often threatened to arrest them.
I just worry about venting my frustrations
without knowing what they are thinking.
How’s the result?
They vehemently obeyed,
but as soon as I turned away,
they started a fire again,
and even threatened to burn down the forest.
As the years have passed,
I have gained some understanding,
know how to behave more delicately,
and have more empathy to be able
to see things from the other person’s point of view.
One day,
when I detected smoke in the distance,
I immediately rode my horse and said:
“Do you guys have fun playing?
What are you guys cooking?
When I was a kid,
I also liked making fires,
but in fact,
I still like it even now.
But you should know,
burning fire in the forest is very dangerous.
I know you guys mean it,
but the other boys aren’t as careful.
Seeing the children light a fire,
they also burned it,
and before leaving,
they did not put out the fire,
so the fire spread.
If we weren’t careful,
there wouldn’t be a single tree here.
Not only that, children can also be arrested
by forest rangers for setting fires.
I don’t want to interfere with your fun.
I love watching you guys play,
but remember to sweep all the dry leaves away
from the fire right away.
Also, before you leave,
don’t forget to fill the fire with lots of earth.
The next time you want to light a fire,
you should go to the other side of the hill,
there is no danger there.
Thank you very much.
Hope you guys have a good time.”
This way of saying creates a different effect!
The boys were not upset, not angry.
The children are saved face,
are not forced to obey orders but voluntarily do
what they already know they should do and also for their own benefit.
This way is a bit time consuming,
but in return, it helps us avoid stress,
conflict,
reduce enemies,
make our life more comfortable.
If after reading this book,
you only need to understand one thing,
that is to think from the point of view of others,
then you have stepped up the first ladder
of success on your career path
and have built be happy family background.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes,
if you feel that you are hurt,
the other person will be equally upset.
“In every relationship, you must know how to ignore your ego
and empathize with others to consider everything”
“The true level of growth and maturity
in each person’s life depends on their behavior towards others:
being gentle with the young,
sympathetic to the elderly,
sharing with the unfortunate,
encouraging people with purpose,
forgiving those who make mistakes,
tolerant of the weak,
and tolerant of the strong,
because, at some point in every person’s life,
they will also fall into situations similar” – George Washington Carver
“Two prisoners look at the night sky through their windows.
One sees only bars,
the other sees stars.” – Frederick Langbridge
*************************
Principle 17: Honestly look at things from the other person’s point of view.
