The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. Groucho Marx quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. ― Groucho Marx.

Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, and television star. He is generally considered to have been a master of quick wit and one of America’s greatest comedians. He made 13 feature films as a team with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born.

1. I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ― Groucho Marx

2. When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. ― Groucho Marx

3. From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it. ― Groucho Marx

4. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. ― Groucho Marx

5. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. ― Groucho Marx  

6. I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. ― Groucho Marx

7. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. ― Groucho Marx

8. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. ― Groucho Marx

9. I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal. ― Groucho Marx

10. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others. ― Groucho Marx 

11. While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. ― Groucho Marx

12. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. ― Groucho Marx

13. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know. ― Groucho Marx

14. If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ― Groucho Marx

15. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ― Groucho Marx 

16. Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women. ― Groucho Marx

17. Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun. ― Groucho Marx

18. Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. ― Groucho Marx

19. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it. ― Groucho Marx

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20. I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that. ― Groucho Marx 

21. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong. ― Groucho Marx

22. Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. ― Groucho Marx

23. I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. ― Groucho Marx

24. Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… now you tell me what you know. ― Groucho Marx

25. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. ― Bill Keane 

26. Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. ― Mahatma Gandhi